Monday, April 28, 2008 ❤
Back to blog again... I jus feel a sudden of blank.. Dunno what to do like that... I think sooner or later my mother will know about the relationship between me and my BOYFRIEND... Because jus now in the evening, I told her that a FRIEND (BOYFRIEND) will be comin to my house to stay overnight... Then she like very shocked and asked "THAT TOMBOY??"...
Why did she have that type of expression...?? I jus dun understand... Can't I make friend with TOMBOY..?? I think in future TOMBOY please dun get near me... Because I can't be your friend due to my mother disallow me..
At night, my mother came into my room and suddenly asked me that I dun wan to give birth or get marry jus because of her... Why can't I have my own choice to love someone that I love the most..?? I really feel so stress under my mother control... Mother said that if I really do fall in love with her, that mean I got problem already..
I admitted that I already got problem... Why do I fall in love with a girl?? Do you all know the reason...?? I really had enough from the guys... Those guys who had stead with me are really not true heart at all... They jus simply wan my Body... They dun respect me at all... They are jus showin off on the street when they are with me... I hate them so much...
Another things that made me turn this way are the stresses from the surrounding people... Friends betray me which made me lost confidence and almost leadin to killin myself, stresses from homeworks, being dumped by my ex boyfriends before which made me cry out the heart out, being control by my mother in she kept wanting to know what I have done outside and also who are my friends and my friends' background..
I also cannot stand that in the past, my mother always compare me to her friend's daughter (Acted in one of the Jack Neo's movie, named as Selina in that movie) who is very well-behaved, always get good grade for exam and also a popular actress in the TV media... Actually, she really did not know that the girl was quite bad at outside... She always went to the basketball court there and mix with the bad company... Somemore, that person was VERY PROUD like hell...
Whatever... Who shall I blame when I have become like that..?? Everytime I always cry for help in my heart, nobody is willing to come and help me to share the problem... I always show my parents anger because I not in good mood and I am really stress and in trouble... And yet my parents said that dun show my anger to them... And yet never ask me what really had happen to me...?? Is this what they say parent love...?? I dun feel any love from them...
This is why I need a blog... I need it badly... I used blog to say out all the things I am unhappy of.. I can say that I havin difficulties to communicate with my present classmates... I jus dunno why... I often feel so left out... Nobody really came forward to give me courage... Only some facilitators come forward to give me courage... I really should thank them lot lot...
Now I am tryin really hard to be strong on myself and I really dun need anyone to help me... I will solve all the problem by myself... I will prefer to cry inside my heart... I dun need any care from the surrounding..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠9:18 PM
