Sunday, March 29, 2009 ❤
29th of March... I getting lazy to update my blog every single day... Nothing special happen every single day... Everytime when I get back home I always sit in front of my laptop to play FACEBOOK... Man.. I wan to win all the games... And I jus can't stop my eyes off the games from the FACEBOOK..
Next week will not working with BOYFRIEND anymore... Dunno why... This week she chosen to work with her BEST FRIEND most of the days... None with me... Anyway, I also dun really like the working scheme... But for my BOYFRIEND good, I dun wan to make a single noise on the scheme unlike her BEST FRIEND..
When she bo song about the scheme.., she was talking so loud about the scheme that she dun wan to work like that like everyone can hear her... OMG... I jus dunno why BOYFRIEND always change the scheme whenever her BEST FRIEND make lot of noises yet for me, I can't do that.. I only can bear in my heart... I know is impossible to work with BOYFRIEND... Today shall be the last day that I can enjoy my work with BOYFRIEND... Haiz...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠9:07 AM
Wednesday, March 25, 2009 ❤
25th of March... I find that in my life really have not much things happened... And it is really boring life I have been living since the day I quit school... Working, Eating, Sleeping, Resting... That it... No more going out with friends.. Because I can't find friends who are willing to go out with me when I am Free..
I wonder is it a GOOD new to everyone of you who is my blog readers... I finally patched back with her... And this time round I promise her that I will change.. I will change to more understanding to her and never ever force her to answer my sms or go out with me... When she is tired, jus let her to rest as work is too stressful and tiring..
Our relationship cannot let too much of people know... I think the company might spreading a BIG new which is I finally break with her... But in the DARK side, we patched back not long ago... So she got the idea not to let other people from the company to know that we are together again... Hee heezz...
Trying hard to concentrate on other things... This period I bought a lot of DVDs back home... Jus to watch when I am free.. So I will not disturb my BOY... Maybe this shall be my interest... Or maybe I will do my sewing of picture... Really LONG LONG time never do... I miss doing it... I wan to sew one for next anniversary present for my BOY.. This shall surprise her... Hope so...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:25 AM
Sunday, March 22, 2009 ❤
22th of March... My heart really in a mess... I really dunno what to do is right... I even dunno what I am doing.. I even told her that if she still love me, please woo me back... Because of her, this period I unable to sleep well and even close up my eyes and sleep, all dreams are about her... I really dunno what to do...
Even now because of her, I feeling unwell soon... Now is like goin to sick... I almost everyday cry... And even I stated how I feeling online, no one really come forward to cheer me up... I have no friends really do care for me...
I feeling so lonely till I also what I am goin to do next.. Feeling to end up my life... I jus being not worth to continue to live in this world... I dun deserve it at all...
Who can understand my feeling now?? Whenever I step into my own house.., my mother always ask me why I always look so sad..?? She even said that at my age, people always so happy and cheerful yet I look like an old people like that..
I also dun wish to behave this way.. But whenever, I step into my own room... It is damn look like a prison... And even my handphone so quiet like hell... No one really willing to talk to me... Even in the past, last time my that boy also did not even interested to give me a call for a chat to tell me her problem...
CAN ANYONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT CAN I DO!!??? Is it I am goin to cry EVERY SINGLE DAY!!??
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠6:16 PM
Saturday, March 21, 2009 ❤
21th of March... This year isn't a very good year for all people... Can see that many couples around me broke up... Including me too... I broke up because I jus need some rest... If I continue this relatinship under those stress, I think I will gonna crazy anyday...
Why can't some people dun understand my own feeling..?? And have you ever think if your own boyfriend did not always talk to you when you need him, help you when you are in trouble, cheer you up when you are feeling sad, care for you when you are injuried, HOW WILL YOU EVER FEEL..?? Will you also feel a bit hurt from your boyfriend??
I admit I am childish but this isn't what I wan.. I even not like so childish like other people on he street... I am special... I dun being childish always love a lot of people to be care for me.. I jus wan my own boy to care for me.. I love RED, BLACK, MURDER & HORROR.. Unlike other girls love PINK & HELLO KITTY...
I now jus like a clown.. Trying to hide my real feeling behind everyone... Not much people know what I am thinking... No one really understand how I feel.. No one really know that how much hurts from friends and ex-lovers that I have gone through to maintain NOW me.. I noe I am not a STRONG... I often cry when someone hurt my heart badly... But I jus simply can't control the tears... Dun you ever noe how hurt it will be when you hurt someone feeling..???
I am really sick and tired of everything... Jus hope that the next guy who enter my life can filled me with laughter and happiness... I really wan to forget my past... I wan to get rid of them because now I have Fear...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:49 PM
Friday, March 20, 2009 ❤
Back to blog again... There is too much of things appearing in my brain till I feel so uncomfortable.. I do need some rest but in the end, it jus can't stop... I do hope that this time I have made the RIGHT choice... But jus that now I still cannot forget her because when looking at her face remind me a lot of the happiness that we had in the past...
Everyone was right.. Lesbian can't be LAST LONG... Because in this country, the major people will not accept LESBIANs to be exist.. Is time for me to wake up to find a real man that who do can give lot of love and care to his girlfriend... And also will not easily left out his girlfriend though he is with a group of friends...
I still remember what godbrother had said to me in the past... There is still plenty of guys in the world that do treasure the LOVE a lot.. They will not easily hurt girlfriend... Even girlfriend throw her temper, boyfriend will let way to let his girlfriend happy... Butchs always flirt around..
I remember my godsister said to me that relationship should be HAPPY... If boyfriend keep giving hurt to girlfriend, it is not worth for each other to be together...
I feel regret that why I meet her in the past... Why I choose her to be my stead?? Why I always being so sft-hearted to her...?? Why should I believe her so easily when she is still making use of me...?? Why I wan to tell her my everything in the past..?? Why I wan to let her step into my life and hurt me??
I feel so much stupid.. In the end, I hurting myself all along... She did not really love that much after about a few months when first quarrel appear in our relationship... More quarrels appear more colder she treated me.. And she started to hide everything from me and be more closer to her friend till can side her and backstab me...
I think is time for me to rest and get my heart being heal...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:53 PM
❤
20th of March... The whole night I did not really sleep well... And this morning I ended the relationship with her... I really had enough of that... I need a really understanding BOYFRIEND and also do not have the 大男人主义...
What past is past and cannot really be back again... I am so foolish that I even keep looking forward for future that my previous butch might be like last time... And in the end, hurting myself again and again... Thought that she can have little attention to me but I am wrong... She put all her attention to her friends around her the most... Even she keep on hiding things from me...
She does not have anytime to spare to me to accompany me for dates... This is the worst... Unlike other guys or lesbians., they do have time for their girlfriends... They even try to take OFF..
I hope that in future I can meet a better guy to be my boyfriend... Maybe leaving this butch will make my life better... She jus cannot understand my feeling and I am not the one she always really concentrate on...
FOREVER BYEBYE TO MY BOYFRIEND BUTCH MICK... I LOVE U, the very LAST TIME I tell you..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠8:50 AM
Thursday, March 19, 2009 ❤
19th of March... It is really being a period that I never update this blog... Feeling that I might wan to have a hand write diary better... Because I dun feel like typing at here... Dunno why... This period trying to shift all my concentration on my interest which is watching HORROR movies from the past till now...
I watched a lot a lot... And I have been looking a series of LESBIAN HORROR movies from Korea... This series I think I knew that it can't be on sale in Singapore... I bought one of the part of Malaysia... But it is not fully on Lesbian is more on te History of the GIRL's school only... Had been finding HIGH and LOW all shops that sell DVDs & VCDs... But none of them got them on selling... How sad...
Anyway, this few weeks dunno what wrong with BOYFRIEND... She already started to treat me coldly... Even she talk the most is with her friends... And for me, she jus never talk to me more... Jus a few sentence that all... And no more jokes from her that can make me laugh... I feel more like a stranger to her...
Trying to ask for a short date also a very difficult chance for me... No more dates between us... So sad... I miss all the past that we had... I MISS THEM SO MUCH... She now only go out with her family... I trying to be more understanding... After she rejected my dates., I try to control my hurt and dun really wan to disturb her... I know is really hard for girls who have boyfriend yet boyfriend rejected their dates often will easily feel so sad like hell... Haiz...
I really hope that she can spend a little time for me... And this is my wish as from a GIRLFRIEND... I really never blame her anything that she did not say "I LOVE YOU" anymore..
My heart is in mess... I really dunno what to do so that BOYFRIEND can like treat me in the past... I really confuse... I really hope that someone who have the magicto make my BOYFRIEND be back like last time...
My tooth now in pain... And it had pain for a period... I think is time for me to look for a dental... DAMN.. About 3 years like that never go for a dental... And now I got to go for it.. Sianz.. That is a result of not brushing my teeth before bed for sometimes... I know I am lazy.. I ADMITTED...
LIFE IS SO MUCH DARKNESS, SADDNESS, HURT, LONELINESS..........
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:16 PM
Sunday, March 15, 2009 ❤
15th of March... Another boring day... Working night shift today... So sianz... BOYFRIEND goin to finish work soon.. Still got another hour... I miss her so much...
After the BIG quarrel, BOYFRIEND and I back to normal... I asked her what she wan to treat me as... She said couple type... She also did said that because of work stress, she lost her temper so easily that why always quarrel with me in sometimes...
And I really try to be understanding right now... Trying to understand what her problems... But problem is that she always hide her problem from me... That why I am now trying to care for her more... I do hope that she du keep hiding from me... I wan her to be happy...
No matter what happen, dun forget that I am always at your side... Support you and LOVE you... Please dun stress up yourself...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:56 AM
Thursday, March 12, 2009 ❤
12th of March... Today I felt SUPER tired... I dunno why.. After the whole day work, I felt I had no more energy to go back home... Today is also a VERY HORRIBLE day for me...
Because I said something that I not really mean from my heart.. "BOYFRIEND" had a BIG BIG quarrel with me... Everything she said is jus like billion of arrows being shot into my heart deeply... That time I started to cry... This cry really make me felt super tired... It jus become heavier and heavier... My nose and eyes are SUPER RED...
Everyone from other shops and even shoppers stare at me... "BOYFRIEND" dun even bother come forward to comfort me... She jus continue with her work... And next when I came back from toilet.. "BOYFRIEND" started to spread my BAD POINTs around... And I still not recover from that hurt... Yet more hurt appear into my heart...
I really dunno what to do... Had a conversation with my god jie... She is trying to help me to know what really went wrong... She jus hope to know what happen about my relationship as she wan try to help me to let the relationship better... She never stand at my side or "BOYFRIEND" side... But anyway, thank for jie being there for me when I am crying badly...
Now only can let "BOYFRIEND" decide what relationship are we... I will no longer STOP her... I jus wan to let her know whatever her choice is as long as she happy I will feel glad... Hope that she can faster tell me what relationship she wan from me...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠9:21 PM
Wednesday, March 11, 2009 ❤
11th of March.. I really feeling sleepy and tired at this time... Haiz... I really hate the day... Because had to go that LAME course... Made me so tired and also made me woke up damn early... I hate waking up early...
Whatever... Life is really useless.. Feeling single all the time... Because BOYFRIEND dun really SMS me oftenly and also did not even wan to know what I am doing...
Jus check out one NEW movie from Taiwan... Hope that this movie can be seem in SINGAPORE... It is already in cinema for Japan and Taiwan... And I still waiting for that movie... I think is also got about Lesbian and also got the confusion of Love in their life... Kinda of interesting...
If Singapore disagree to screen the movie, I might jus watch it ONLINE when it is OUT... So sianz... Anyway, hope that the movie will be OUT...
This is the present that I made for BOYFRIEND during our 1st year anniversary... I do hope that she really love it... Because I rush this present for three day., and also not enough rest during the period cause a new BIG pimple appear at my right side of my face... It is really PAINFUL...
The FRONT PAGE of the book...
I made a CD jus for her...
Some thoughts that I wan to say to her from deep in my heart... Never LIE at all...
The VERY LAST page... Love that BLACK picture so much so I decided to print it out and paste at the LAST PAGE...
Got to go to bed now... Tomorrow working really LONG LONG hour and also is morning shift which I quite dun really like it at all... As I am not working with BOYFRIEND too... How sad... Haiz... Life is like that... Hope that BOYFRIEND can understand my heart... What I wan from her is her LOVE and her attention to me... That it... Sweet dream people...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:42 PM
Tuesday, March 10, 2009 ❤
10th of March... Yippe... Had a date with BOYFRIEND jus now after her work... Supposed plan to go to Orchard but in the end, stay at CCK to shop because she forgot to bring her jacket to work...
Out of my house at about 1 plus in the afternoon... And reached there about 2 plus... Bought the empty CDs at the Popular for some uses... Then met BOYFRIEND and off to Food Junction as she need to complete her paper stuffs... Set for a LONG time watching her... The air con really does make both of us FREEZE like hell...
Ate our lunch plus dinner together then to Basement to do something again... Then to those night market walk one round to shop... After that, accompanied BOYFRIEND to watch a movie that she wan to watch...
Anyway, this movie is all about the learning of being the BEST chefs... And also included some fighting actions made the whole movie more interesting... Hahazz...
Yup I have to complain that the cinema is damn COLD... BOYFRIEND and me gonna freeze till death... Lolz... Because LAST MINUTE decide wan to watch movie... Never bring any jacket along... Try to buy a jacket but none of the shops is selling... HOW SAD...
After the whole movie..., went back home straight... Yup tomorrow shall be another tiring day... BOYFRIEND has to work damn FUCKING long hour... And I have to went to EAST COAST ROAD for some course from work... Damn sianz... I miss BOYFRIEND tomorrow...
Will upload the photo in the next entry of what I gave to my BOYFRIEND for our 1st year anniversary... Stay tune~~
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:39 PM
Sunday, March 08, 2009 ❤
HAPPY 1st YEAR ANNIVERSARY
TO
BABY & ME...
8th of March... Is really one year that we had been together.. But I really had to say sorry that I have made my BOYFRIEND angry and quarrelled quite fierce with me... Actually, my main point is that I wan to have more love from her... And I quarrelled with her is to gain her attention... I wonder why she like dunno why I quarrel with her...
I do hope that BOYFRIEND can understand how I feel.. Haiz... Anyway, I quite happy that after we quarrelled, she behaving like last time... But when never see her once or more than that, she is back to cold again... I do hope that we can never being separated more better...
Today not seeing BOYFRIEND... Sad... And this few days I shall rush my present for my BOYFRIEND... Actually, I still about 10% of the present completed... Haiz... I shall not keep being LAZY...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠2:32 AM
Friday, March 06, 2009 ❤
6th of March... It is already 12 plus midnight.. Getting tired of my present job... Jus dunno why... Dun wish to mention too much about the work too much.. Wish that I can have a better job in future... Still finding...
Looking forward on this coming Tuesday because BOYFRIEND finally accepted my date with her... I so much excited... Thinking of something to give her as 1st year anniversary present... But still dunno will it success... As it need some time to finish the present...
I know I am lazy to do it... But I wan to give her surprise, I must not complain about my laziness... I must work hard... Hahazz..
Mmm... 2 more days to our 1st Year Anniversary... Baby I might sometime not so understanding and being stubborn but as for you, I am willing to change my everything jus for you to make you love me more and make you more happy... I LOVE YOU lot BABY.. I am sorry that I always quarrel with you... It is jus that quarrel is the only communication that I can have with you... I jus cannot stop myself from doing it... I am SORRY..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:15 AM
Thursday, March 05, 2009 ❤
Next week, the whole week I am unable to work with BOYFRIEND... Simply feel so sad... Jus dunno why.. Haiz...
This coming SUNDAY is our 1st Year anniversary... Suppose working with BOYFRIEND but in the end., someone change with her... Haiz.. I always feel that there always something block us being together... So sad.. Whatever...
The pictures that I posted in the first place is I drawn... I sudden had the interest of drawing the pictures or objects to represent my feeling or my personal characters... I will create more pictures... And maybe will post at here... Those pictures is I took and transferred to my laptop.. Then they are being editted by a program to make the pictures more clearer and more outstanding...
Going to sleep soon... And also will not able to see BOYFRIEND for 2 days... I miss her so badly.. I wonder she know that I miss her so badly if I never see her jus for a day?? Haiz... SAD... My heart always feel like crying when she jus dun really understand what I need from her... Haiz...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:26 AM
Sunday, March 01, 2009 ❤
1st of March.. End of February already... Time seem flying damn fast.. And I did not realize that I am turning 21 next year.. Really fast... And soon my BOYFRIEND is reaching the 30 in a few years time... OMG... I jus cannot think of that...
This period I did not really update my blog as I am quite busy watching videos online or either working... And I think I dun have any special things happen in my life... As I do not wish to think much about BOYFRIEND... Thinking too much will make me feel jealous about Boyfriend and maybe might quarrel with her... That why I jus relaxing myself to listen more music or either watch movies or shows when I am free...
Waiting for dates from BOYFRIEND... Hearing from her that she will date me really long time ago... A few months past... And I did tried to be really understanding.. And now still waiting... Hope that she can give me a day time to spend time with me...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:17 AM
