Saturday, October 31, 2009 ❤
31th of Oct... It is being a few days I never update this blog... Because I really tired after work in every weekday... I dunno why...
I really dunno what to update... But I am really happy that I have been single for a period... I feel so comfortable with it... I just dun think I need a relationship yet... I need some times to reflect myself and relax myself, giving myself a break...
Exam is coming soon.. I think I need to concentrate more in my work better than in about the relationship... Is just make people feel so tired and hurt easily... This is my thinking for now... I dunno will there anyone will change my thinking.. If during this period.., someone can make me feel so much comfortable with him and will not easily break promise with me, I will willing to spend my life with him...
This period I have been disturbed by some guys who have been forcing me to be their stead... I am not going to accept them as I dunno them well at all and also I did not even meet them once... I wonder why these all guys are so hungry for a relationship.. They are still young and they still never really see the world yet... Because there are more girls outside who are more better than me... I am just a average girl... I not a good girl for them either...
Tomorrow I am going to spend my day doing my work again... I gonna to study hard and do well for exam... I dun wish to fail... Fail make me feel so much disappointed about myself...
November is coming soon in a few hours... And soon year 2009 is going to end... Looking forward for year 2010... Because I am going to be 21 too... I LOVE IT... And I am going to be adult...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠7:11 PM
Tuesday, October 27, 2009 ❤
27th of Oct... Back to blog... Really feeling tired almost everyday... Maybe still not use to my working life... I am also glad I am single... I think I feel so much comfortable to be single... This is because now currently I am really feeling down for this period... Wish to be alone and reflect on myself... I dun wish to hurt any good guys that do love me a lot...
Hate this feeling but really got no choice... In order not to affect them, I have to be sightly cruel to them... This is a challenage too... It can reflect on which guys who are really true hearted to me...
Today I might sleeping early... Because I feel super tired and sleepy... Haiz... Tomorrow is another LONG LONG day for me... Morning to evening working and night to study... Hope I can dun fall asleep in class... I need to concentrate the class... I want to do well in the exam.. Is going to one month to my exam, I must study hard...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:29 PM
Monday, October 26, 2009 ❤
26th of Oct... Have been leaving a message in the FACEBOOK.. I know I sound very EMO.. Seriously., just simply feel that I not a GOOD person at all... I giving people problems and also easily throwing temper at people.. This is not the things I like to behave... I really dunno why I have been behaving this way.. I wish to control and change but it seem so much difficult for me to do it...
This period I bought a classical music album and a jazz album.. I have been listening again and again.. Just to make me reflecct myself... Being listening alone, my tears just never being controlled and just drop down without thinking...
Tired of everything... Dropping into hell again... Itchiness on my skin start to get more itchy whenever I feel stress... I no longer happy again... Not saying about I still care about the previous relationship with a foreigner... I referring to my life right now...
I do really need to get back my life as soon as possible... I dun like myself behaving this way... Tired is all I keep on complaining... FUCK.. I should stop complaining... ARGH~!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:38 PM
Saturday, October 24, 2009 ❤
24th of Oct... I back to blog after a busy week of working... Hahaz... Guess I will use of this life real soon... Because everyday I have to wake up at 5.0pm then after work back home is already 8pm... Spent 12 hours outside...
I really can say I love my job... Is more under accounting stuffs which I am not easy to find outside so easily.. Thank you so much for the company for willing to give me a chance to work under that department... Trying hard to understand how to use Excel to search for all records for bank in date of the customers paid the bills.. And updating stuffs to the Excel...
I hope I can dun do the wrong things and get better from the work by next week... I have been taking down notes of the process and steps... So I dun need to keep on asking people as they also busy and have other stuffs to rush too...
I will update again once I feel free again... Will update my Sexy Diamond shirt real soon... Planning to buy more stuffs from that shop again... Hahaz... I love their style so so much...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:20 PM
Tuesday, October 20, 2009 ❤
20th of Oct... I back to blog... Today is my FIRST day of work in office... So much excited.. I went there quite early... Was about 20 minutes early... I learnt quite a lot of things from them... Did 2 jobs today... Sotting the documents of receipts that received from all outlets then file them by group...
Another one is updated all the cheques numbers, details of all invoices into the computer online... Really kinda of love my job... Tomorrow is another day of learning... Super looking forward... Tomorrow I gonna to be early for work to finish my unfinish work... Because I need to finish work on time so I can quickly go for my night class...
Haiz... Tomorrow is another LONG LONG day... I hope I will not fall sick... I know myself... I always easily fall sick after the first day of work... I must JIA YOU...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:29 PM
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The training was damn boring like hell... Because most information is useful for those staffs working in outlet only... Hahaz... So I almost fall asleep as well... Somehow my training was mostly a lot of outlet staffs... Never expected that NTUC Fairprice got so many outlets in Singapore and a total of 6,000 staffs... If I am not wrong... OMG... So most Singapreans are NTUC Fairprice staffs... Hahaz...
Great that the training end one hour earlier... And I faster rushed down to Tampines to meet Baby... Sorry for making the meeting time damn early... Baby was as shy as usual... Just think that he like dunno how to express out only...
I have been active for sometimes trying to make him feel comfortable with me... I dun wish Baby feeling bored with me and no topic to talk... Sorry that we only meet like a few hours and I requested to go home because I feeling super tired and feeling wan to sleep in anytime...
Took bus no.28 and 157 back home.. The journey was really LONG LONG LONG... I reached home needed about 3 hours... OMG!! But I have been sleeping in the bus so deeply... Hahaz... Now I missing Baby so much... Regretting never give him a hug just now... Hahaz...
Anyway, tomorrow is my first day of work in OFFICE... OMG... Super looking forward... I wonder how it feel when I working in such a big company... I guess feel super SHOIK... Hahaz... I will work hard... Hope tomorrow no OT.. Haiz...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:12 AM
Sunday, October 18, 2009 ❤
Back to blog.. Wee~ I must say I am feeling so fortune in my life again after the nightmare... Thank for all the friends who have been accompanying me and concerning me, that why I can recover from it so fast... Never expect that fast... But really must thank you...
Today I finally accept one guy to be my boy... Though he is not that handsome and not that height that I expect... But he is really a good boy...
Yesterday was the first day I met him... His friends pushed him to go walk around with me alone... So chatted some stuffs with him... I did not talk much because his shyness make me shy... I just dunno what to talk to him but when I left him, I found I have some questions wan to ask him...
Seriously, the first sight when I look at him I already sightly fall in love with him... I dunno what make me feel this way... But it is natural... I know some guys are shy to talk to girls in the first meeting.. Hahaz... Just feeling some guys are shy toward the girls in the first meeting, just make me feel that they are so Cute..
After the meeting, when I was alone at somewhere else... I started to SMS him to tell him honestly that I have some feeling for him... And he replied that he also do... But we do not been together yet because the problems lie on me first... But after today thinking, I finally tell him I am ready for him...
I feel so happy that I can find someone who do love me and willing to feel jealous for me when another guy say wan to jio me right in front of him... Hahaz.. I promise I will love him and never hurt him... Because he is a very good boy...
Anyway, Baby I LOVE YOU... You are my only and last BEAR BEAR.. Looking forward for our dinner date tomorrow..!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:27 PM
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18th of Oct... So fast is Sunday... OMG.. I going to training tomorrow.. OMG... Damn nervous... Tuesday going office to work... OMG.. Lolz.. So many OMGs..!! So nervous to work in a BIG company...
Anyway, yesterday did had a great time with FRIENDs... Yay... I finally can being crazy and talk like nobody business.. More dates between us please... Hahaz... I simply love to go out with them... OMG..
Afternoon, went out to meet a new friend... Then his friends abandon him to let him go walk walk with me only... Somemore even make fun of him... Just feel a little anger about this... If my friends also did this to me, I also will scold them and give them black face for sure...
Went off to Orchard alone at 4 plus... The weather was really damn HOT to the max... Lolz... I also cannot tahan the hotness.. It just like killing me... OMG... The sun even dun allow me to open my eyes very soon... Shopped alone in TOWN... Orchard Far East Plaza, then to Somerset HMV, again to Orchard Taka... Lolz.. So many times I have been walk here and there...
Went to Far East Plaza to Stage shop to find a T-shirt for myself... Found the design I love but dun have my size... So walked to HMV to Sexy Diamond bought my favourite T-shirt and is LIMITED edition.. Somemore is the LAST piece... So I bought it...
Then back to Taka to shop in the book store... Damn bought a Chinese book written by the Japanese writter... I guess I will love this story a lot... Because I was attracted by the title... "Wish To Be A Black Angel"... Anyway, is in Chinese...
Slowly walked to Orchard station to meet up girlfriend Yali... Then had dinner together at Taka... Next walked to the outdoor pub... Met her friend at there... Really had fun in their conservation though I dun really understand what they are talking but I try my best to cut in... Hahaz...
Took some photos, listened to some LIVE band singing... And slack till 11 plus then left... I started to fall in love with their cocktail alcohol... Simply, taste so GREAT... Love it... I had 2 glasses of cocktail alcohol and the BEST thing is I dun get drunk... Last time, I just had one glass and I drunk for 15 minutes... Somemore, I drank the fastest... Planned to order 3rd glass but is really a little expensive... Then give up lor...
At 11 plus, I went back home first... As I dun wan to go back so late... We shall have more meetup again... Hee heez... Anyway, I did enjoyed this day with all my special ones...
The photos we took at the pub~
The cocktail alcohol I drank!!
Damn I now started to miss my STRAWBERRY KISS... I never order that because I wan to try others...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠2:28 AM
Friday, October 16, 2009 ❤
Back to blog.. Simply I dunno how to describe my feeling in my heart... I never being this state before... I know some people think that I stupid and silly what for waiting for a guy who dun really take love seriously... I have let go totally but I dunno why I still care for him... I meant is that I still care for him but not those LOVE feeling anymore...
I guess I am not an important friend to him... Talk to him the tone his reply like very unfriendly type... Unlike that he talk to other girls... I know every guys are always like that... Every guys will show their true colour once they get sick and tired of the girls... Haiz... That why is not easy to find a true love...
Haiz... Why guys are all the same.?? I simply look down some of the guys... Specially those guys who use the Friendster or Facebook to add those pretty girls, slowly ask for their msn email and handphone number... Then slowly chat with them then ask them out... What the hell... Treat all the girls like what sia... Girls are not for guys to toy around... Girls also got feeling and they do need some respect too... They are also the same as guy and BOTH are HUMAN BEINGs...
FUCK YOU THOSE PLAYBOYs... Serve you all right if one day your MOST LOVED girls dumped you all... You all deserved these..!! And one more, guys please control your hunger.. I know some girls are very sexy.. It just make me feel so disgusted when those guys see girls wear so little, will like very HIGH..
I am glad that I am SINGLE... That mean I can make more friends... I dun really mind what other guys say about me... I dun give it a DAMN... Is their mouth I also dun have the right to shut their mouth too... I know my accounts recently had added a number of guys... I only added a few and most of the guys added me.. I dun really know why guys add people is by looking at the photos pretty or not... Not pretty dun add, Pretty then add... I wonder WHY!!
Anyway, if guys are really think that I add guys just because I can have more choices to choose who to be my boyfriend, simply please just GET LOST FROM MY SIGHT RIGHT NOW... I dun really need this type of friends... Now importantly, I need friendship not love... Thank you so much!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠8:19 PM
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16th of Oct.. What a another boring day... I am back to blog again... I am alone at home.. Mother went to Malaysia, Father and older brother working and my younger brother schooling... I am so much boring at home.. No choice.. Later maybe going to revision for my damn work... Lolz...
Finally got his reply... I dun feel sad at all.. I respect his answer... Anyway, from today onward, he is now my god brother... But however, the ring that we had in the past, I will still continue to wear it on my neck till I found someone better than him... Maybe not this year... Because I just little tired in this relationship case... I wish to take a LONG LONG break...
I want to get rid of my this 2 ex boyfriends which I had not long ago... I guess is sightly not easy... 1 is one year plus and another one is 2 months plus(Lot of effort being put in just to love him)..
So willing to being SINGLE for maybe till this December... But if in the middle, if I met someone who is willing to do anything just for me.. I might accept it but I will not put too much on hope looking forward to it... Because is difficult to find either...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:37 PM
Thursday, October 15, 2009 ❤
I am back to blog.. Sorry friends I really cannot listen to your all advices because I dun wish to regret... I simply just feel that he is the RIGHT guy I meet... I do know you all people have been caring for me and dun wish to see me to get hurt again...
But seriously, I really still love him a lot a lot.. Because none of the guys treat me so well like him... I know his reason might be just a small case but I am sure there is way to make him turn back to love me again...
SORRY.. This time I will give it a try.. No matter what his answer is, I will never feel sad or hurt anymore because I have think through... I will be POSITIVE.. I promise!!
Now is the time just to let him consider... I simply wish that he can get back to me... That all... That is my wish in my life for now... I want it so badly... Hope the god can fulfill it...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:58 AM
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This 2 weeks, I know I have been really angry and unpolite because of his reason from dumping me... But after this 2 weeks thinking, I decided myself to want to prove him that I still love him a lot and I want to make him to fall in love with me the 2nd time.. I dunno it will be success or not, but I am willing to give it a try, no wonder how hard it is...
Simply the same sentence to him., "I SIMPLY CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM"... I miss all his concerning and care for me... Without his concerning and care, I feel like so empty... I dun mind of him being nagging at me... I do hope he can nag at me in future and forever..
Simply, I had sent a sms yesterday midnight to him, I left a message at his FACEBOOK and even FRIENDSTER too... Hope he can really consider me and give me a chance to love him again.. I promise I will love him even better than last time... I just dun wish to give up a person easily who I love so deeply... I never ever being so serious before in a relationship but ONLY HIM.. PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE!! I will wait for his reply no matter how long...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:25 AM
Wednesday, October 14, 2009 ❤
14th of Oct... I am back to blog.. Never blog for 2 days... This 2 days I have been staying at home... I am now rushing my homework.. But I dun think I able to finish all because I dunno how to do... Is not easy to understand.. I need more examples to do but I dunno where to find either...
Next week I will be starting a brand new life... It maybe more tiring than ever after... I really looking forward to that either... I hope this time can make me busy and never think of anything unhappiness or the past too... Wee!! Making more new friends too... Hope they are easily communicate... Dun look at me like an alien... Wahaha!!
Monday there will be a TRAINING.. Tuesday going office to start my work.. OMG.. I wonder how training will be like... I have never gone to any training before from work... My previous job is just go for course not so into training I guess so...
Later going to night class again... Homework might not be able to finish at that time... But nevermind hope the teacher can go through those questions because I still dun really understand a little... Haiz... I must blame myself for dislike ENGLISH too much... Hahaz.. I think I must read up more English book... JIAYOU!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:32 PM
Monday, October 12, 2009 ❤
Morning rushed out to meet them at Jurong East station... But Mabel was late so waited for her in the Jurong East Library.. Slack at there.. Drinking a can of herbal tea because no Milo.. Then took a few photos to kill the boredness of time... Hahaz...
Met Mabel and off the train to Bedok... Raining damn heavily and no cycling at East Coast Park... Had lunch at Bedok coffee shop there... Took train back to Kallang for K box... Lolz... The nearest outlet in the East...
We had a quite BIG room in the K box.. It was so fun to sing with them... Too bad at a sudden, dunno what happen, my voice totally changed.. The voice seem like disappearing in no time... But lucky, it came back again but my voice still feeling unwell...
Took a few photos with them and also video Yali's singing a chorus only... Not going to post online... It is for personal view only.. Hahaz..
Anyway, also must thank Sky and Wen Hao had been making me happy by chatting with me the whole night through MSN and SMS... Hahaz... They are really good entertainer for me... Telling me somethings that make me feel funny.. Thank guys for not making me think about past and keep on cheering me up...
I hope I can have chances to meet everyone of these friends in real life... Looking forward to all the dates... Hee heez... I wish we can be real life friends... Love you all!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:48 PM
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12th of Oct.. I am back to blog after been thinking lot of things in my brain... Guess the start of the week of today, I shall totally let go of all the past... It being hard for me to let go all of them... Because I really wish everything can be forever... But it did not..
I finally had the courage to delete all the photos that I took with him from my handphone... It being taking me lot of time to decide wan to delete those photos.. Because I did not really bear to delete.. I was deleting those photos in the bus journey while tears occpuied my whole eyes.. Nearly dropped my tear... But I controlled them...
Thank for every single friends who came forward to msn me and concerned me... I know is hard for me not to being sad but I will try my best to be strong and be happy like last time as soon as possible... Thank for bringing me out to let me have fun in every dates... I will try my best to laugh out of my heart if I can...
I shall name out all the friends' name who have been caring me up and helping me too... They are...
(1)Xiao Ping (Thank for helping me, concerning and giving me advices..)
(2)Yali (Thank for concerning me, dating me out always..)
(3)Yu Ting Jie (Thank for concerning me and giving me advices.. Never being fail when I need someone)
(4)Priscilla (Thank for giving me advices and concerning me..)
(5)Michelle (Thank for concerning me as in friend..)
(6)Wen Hao (Thank for these few days Everyday concerning me though I still know you not long...)
(7)Leo (Thank for concerning me and trying to cheer me up)
(8)Alvin (Thank for the date yesterday and concerning me.. Making me laugh like last time)
(9)Uehara (Thank for concerning me)
(10)Christine (Thank for keep on telling me to be STRONG.. I will try it asap)
(11)Nick aka Yong Siang (Thank for the advices you gave at the first day I just broke off with him)
(12)Sky aka Keng Siang (Though I not really know you well but thank for your concern and willing to being my listening ears..)
(13)Ivan (Thank for concerning me and cheering me up.. Look forward to meet you when you book out)
(14)YiDa (Thank for concerning me.. Sorry that sometimes I ignore you because I not in the mood to talk about THAT topic yet..)
(15)Xiao V Kor (I know that you are busy with your lifestyle and glad that you found someone you love.. Thank for concerning me too.. Last long with her)
(16)Bernie Kor (Thank for giving me a little little advices.. I miss you)
If I missed out anyone, Remember to tell me... I must really thank everyone of you who have been there for me when I am feeling down at this period... Willing to bring me out for movies or other events just to make me happy... I really feel so fortune to have you all friends around me... Not giving me up!!
SORRY people... I just cried not long ago.. Because I felt so touched that friends are concerning me and I feel so letting friends down as I cannot easily be happy... Please do give me by the end of this October... I promise I will be happy again with LOVE, I also can continue to live strongly..
I PROMISE I WILL BE HAPPY AGAIN BY NOVEMBER!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:46 AM
Saturday, October 10, 2009 ❤
10th of Oct.. Today I dunno what really happen to me.. I slept all the way to 1 plus in the afternoon... 12 hours of sleepness... That is so crazy on me... But it still not boke my record once in the past.. I slept more than that once before...
Today went out with family to my cousin house at Pasir Ris.. Wee~~ Long journey to there with my younger brother driving... My younger brother driving was really HIGH!! Hahaz... Because he drove damn really fast... Quite pro.. Really admire that he can drive... Guess I am going to learn driving real soon as it will be helpful for me as for now...
Stayed at my cousin's house about a hour... Saw her little cute baby girl... Dunno I will be going to her 1st month party in this October.. Shall see how...
At about 6 plus then went back home... Getting little tired... Dunno why.. Looking forward for tomorrow and also maybe Monday... Tomorrow going East Coast Park with a new friend... First time meeting him tomorrow... Thank that he accompany me for a cycle and maybe a movie too... He will be meeting me first at Jurong East Station... I meeting a giant tomorrow.. Hahaz... Hope tomorrow will be a great date...
This coming Monday might be going K box with my friend... Anyone willing to tag along too?? If yes, please sms me or msn me.. Anyone is welcome too... And also This coming Wednesday there is another date for me.. Wee~~ Looking forward too.. Meeting another new friend maybe for movie...
Wee~~ I am occupied with all dates with friends... I hope I will not be able to think about the past and also the saddness anymore... So Guys please make me happy during those dates... Thank a lot... I wan to be happy again!! Looking forward for more dates from other types of friends...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:45 PM
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I am crying again and again just because you just leave me this way...
The day he left, everyday seem so much saddness to me.. You think I like it.. Every night when I just feeling down, I will lock inside my room to cry.. Till now I dun have the courage to tell my parents I broke off with him... I simply dunno why.. I felt I have been cheated by him from my feeling that all...
Why must we break due just his feeling is faded?? Dun you ever think this is the most fucking lame and stupid reason to tell a girl?? Every of my friends think this is just an EXCUSES or either he is just toying my feeling... Many of my friends really very mad at him... But in the end, many of my friends wish me that I can find a better one...
A simply "SORRY" can forgive everything that cure every pain that the girl gain... This is totally so WRONG.. Please dun be stupid... Those pain in girl's heart is not easily cure because those pain is the love that have given to a guy.. The longer, deeper, saddness pain gained the deeper love that the girl gave to the guy before...
Once it is hurt or broken, it is hard to recover and it may take a really LONG LONG time to heal.. Unlike some guys, they dun feel anything, yet still can happily continue to live on whatever they wish and hack care the girls' feeling... All the promises they made before are just sweet talk... Girls better becareful... Dun fall into their traps or else in future the pain will be painful than living in HELL... Is true...
I really felt so funny one more thing on him.. Why is he still keeping my Photos in his laptop yet I told him to delete and he said not now yet...?? If he doesn't have feeling for me, why do he need those photos..?? Dun he understand what 'PHOTOs' meaning are??
'PHOTOs' are meant for memories... When you missed that person deeply, those photos are meant to let you look and missed that person.. Not just keep them for fun or for no reason...
Why dun you just tell me why do you still wan to keep my personal photos in your laptop??
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:21 AM
Friday, October 09, 2009 ❤
Back to blog with just random mood.. Looking back at those messages that I had left at the Facebook for him... I had deleted some.. Shall delete more once I found those messages... Just wish to have a good start on everything... Dun wish to look back those saddness...
Tomorrow date with friends is cancel... Haiz.. Because everyone is just busy with their stuffs... No choice have to cancel.. Maybe I might be going out or either staying at home again... I still dunno.. Haiz... I really wish to go out dun really wan to stay at home...
Thinking back of all the past, I no longer feel sad at all... But no longer look forward for anything too... Just having random thinking, if one day., he suddenly have feeling for me again, I wonder will he force himself not to love me..?? Just wondering around and also not giving myself some hopes... Hahaz...
Why do I think this way just because he still keeping my photos in his laptop and not yet wan to delete them... So this will lead me to think this question out of my brain.. That all... Nothing much anything...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠7:08 PM
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9th of Oct.. Today is another boring day... I am staying at home the whole day... And Great that I am feel so much unwell... Having stomach cramp, a little flu and dryness throat... OMG... The stomach cramp is like killing me... I cannot even sit properly... Damn pain... Hope tomorrow will better...
Feeling so boring to stay at home... I really dunno what to do, only know just stare at my laptop screen and waiting for friends to chat with me... This is so boring life I have right now...
Today entry is very short either.. Not much things to write as I having some single boring lifestyle... Hahaz... Everyday just seem to be the same... Nothing special happening..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:56 PM
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I have been looking this MV again and again till the memories flashed in my brain... The stories in the MV just look similar to my previous relationship... I know we can't be going back again...
Think back of how he touched me, made me felt the love he had for me.. Simply when think of those matter made me felt sad a little... I simply miss every kisses he gave me in the past and his gentle touch to me.. But anyway, time can't turn back anymore... So I shall slowly forget bit by bit...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:56 AM
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9th of Oct... Back to blog.. Today is my BIG brother birthday... Already 29 years old and still not yet marry.. O man.. Looking forward for him to get marry... Dun like to see him like so single all the way... Feel so lonely like that... But I know he got a lot of friends who are females in his friends list.. Hahaz...
So on 8th of Oct, I had a Large size of Ice Mocha again... Damn I simply love Starbuck Ice Mocha... Simply deeply in love with it... OMG!!
Haiz... I really must admit I really scared to being lonely.. How I wish I can have tonne of friends... But I guess is hard to make friends with people... Simply dunno why I have this problem... When I have lot of friends, I will forget what is Love like... And I dun even need a Love at all... Because getting in Love, in the end what you gain is only HURT... That all...
Now I only using all kinda of matter from the internet to know more friends... Have been using Friendster to find new Singapore friends and maybe will use Facebook to find Singapore friends too.. And slowly plan to meetup with these new friends to know them better so can be Best Friends... This is what I really need now...
But I guess is hard for me to do that... Just dunno why!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:37 AM
Thursday, October 08, 2009 ❤
No one understand how hard to be strong for me... Need lot of encourages than anyone else...
8th of Oct.. Another boring day.. Thought today is Friday but is just Thursday only... Haiz.. Today I have slept quite long about 11 hours... But when I woke up, I just feel like I wan to go back to sleep again because I am very very tired... I dunno why... Tiredness is killing me... Haiz.. Why these days are like passing so slow..?? How I wonder it can be more faster a little.. Hee heez..
Guess today entry will be short again because there is nothing to blog... Shall finding some new songs and revision my work again till the time for going for the night class... Another boring day.. HELL YA MAN!! Lolz...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠2:31 PM
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I am crying right in the middle of the night... I feeling so lonely.. I just dunno why I crying again and again.. I confuse... Why must everyone tell me "be strong"?? Do you all know is not easy to be strong..?? Why I can't be weak??
If need to "Be Strong", it does need a lot of courages... But I dun have the encourages.. I hate to pretend be happy always like what I am now.. Is really no difference like a clown... Have been living this type of life for so many years... And now I dunno which is me...
That him no longer care about my life anymore.. Even he also no more interest to view my blog anymore... Now he got friend to talk with, shall just throw me this friend aside in the junk place... I know it in this world I just feel that I am always the one being left behind... No one really know that I am actually present...
Can I still continue on my happy life?? I guess I dun think so... Shall go back to the life I always look sad of.. I hate to be strong... Be strong is not a easy thing to me anymore...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:31 AM
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Back to blog.. Today I feel so much tired... Dunno why... Drank one large and medium ice blended mocha from Starbuck yet still can feel so so tired... OMG.. Broke my record of drinking so much coffee in a day... Haiz... Maybe shall let coffee replaced the alcohol...
Seriously., dunno why, memories in the past keep flashing in my brain so often when I am just staring outside the window of the bus in my bus journey... Making me feel little sad and regret that how I wish I can never start the relationship in the first place... And never being so thick skin to woo a guy...
Because woo-ing a guy is not a simple thing to a girl... No girls do have those courage to do it either... I regret of doing that... Because is easy for a guy to dump a girl either, they might not really serious to girls.. Maybe take love for granted.. I wonder do other girls might feel the same?? Sorry no offence to any guys just my personal comments...
At the sudden, I feeling so much useless again.. I just dunno why am I feeling this again.. I dun wish to have this feeling to appear in me... But why is this coming back again and again..?? Can anything that can really let me forget all these feeling..??
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:51 AM
Wednesday, October 07, 2009 ❤
Today morning I woke up about 6 plus then prepared.. Put sightly little makeup to make my panda eyes disappear... Then took bus no. 99 and 156 to Thomson Road... On the way, I kept on falling asleep... I also did felt little nervous but not so nervous like previous interview... This time I depended all by myself... Last time at least got someone give me encourage... But this time no more... Miss-ed the past...
Though we break already a week... I am now used in my single life.. But what you say after we break you never do what you say... You say you will try to be there for me when I need you as a friend... But you did not do it at all... I simply feel that we are more like stranger.. Ignore me this friend... Haiz... Still ask me to treasure the friendship with you yet you cold treated our friendship... Like that dunno how to be friend with you...
During the interview, I was really comfortable in everything she asked me... And she said that I have to wait for call as there are other people also interviewing this position too... So no choice have to wait again... Haiz...
After interview, took bus no. 166 and 99 back home... Throughout the journey was totally so much boring... And I feel like freezing in the bus... Took a number of photos of myself because I so boring... Keep on looking at my handphone too hoping someone still know that I exist and willing to sms me for a chat... But no one sms me and concern me... Haiz... I am just a NOBODY to people...
Shall blog in the late night later once I get back home from night class... Haiz... This time I need to concentrate more on this topic because it does related to the job I interviewing in and if I got the job, I might need to remember the format clearly without thinking...
I am always the one who is left behind... No one notice my exist...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:58 PM
Tuesday, October 06, 2009 ❤
Back to blog... I have finally deleted and updated my chinese blog... All the past posts should be disappear from my chinese blog forever and ever... Because dun wish to see any unhappiness past that I have again... I trying hard now to look forward of everything..
I have changed my this english blog songs into chinese... Beacause I think these songs quite suit my feeling for this period.. Currently still finding more songs that suit my feeling right now... Yup all those songs in my blog sound so emo... Lolz.. Because I really emo-ing for this period.. Still got a little saddness in my heart but not too much...
Been looking through all the old photos that took in the past... I saved in my D Disk and just a few hours ago, I decided to shift the album into my recycle bin... Once is deleted, memories won't come back to me again forever...
Now I starting my new life... Yet I dun think I am quite easy to be happy right now... Just dunno why... Hope everything in my life can go on smoothly... And I dun wish to be sad again... I guess is already enough and getting sad is so hurt... JIA YOU!!
My Chinese Blog ☠ http://www.wretch.cc/blog/musicjas89
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:57 PM
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Back to blog.. Seriously today did not do any revision... Hahaz... I being super lazy staying at home doing nothing... Staring at my laptop for the whole entire day... I now having a sight head pain from my head... It is so disturbing and pain... But I guess it will recover...
To that HIM, I have fully put down on our past... Thank for being my friends right now... Thank for giving me advices too when I need someone... I wonder is he still reading on my blog.. Though we are not fate to be couple, but is good to have a friend like him... I hope I dun wish to lose him as my friend... Anyway, hope he can really not to be stress in his study next year...
To someone, I dun wish to mention that someone name because I do respect him... And please dun keep on disturb me about anything regarding LOVE... I just recover from saddness and wish that we can chat like friends.. Not always like you are the one throwing temper at me...
I am not your girl.. I am your friend.. Please do give me some respect too... Is there any need to tell me whatever stuffs regarding something like sex to describe your things to me..?? It simply makes me feel so disgusting...
I really feel so disturb that everyday have to listen to his story through MSN and I really need some rest and peace without anyone disturbing me, so sometimes I did not reply back but I did looked through all the messages he sent to me... Yet he will think that I dun wan to be friend with him or I ignore him... WHATEVER stuffs..
WHY CAN'T I HAVE A FUCKING BREAK..??? I guess I need to do something in MSN from tomorrow onward for a period...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠9:51 PM
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6th of Oct... I have just started another brand new life... Should be good... Thank for so many people concerning about my feeling.. I really feel so great to have you all as my friends... Seriously I did not thinking about the past anymore, so is better dun mention in front of me anymore... Or else I will change face...
Nightmares still continuing every single night but it still never affect the feeling in my heart of getting back to him... Yippe... I success to get rid of him fully...
Tomorrow shall be a boring day to me... Maybe... Because will be going out in the morning to Thomson Road for the 2nd interview... And then in the night will be heading to Somerset for my night class... Sound so sianz... But no choice... Haiz... Tomorrow got to get up damn early.. Interview is at 9.30am... Guess I am the first person to get interview of the day.. Gosh... Nervous...
I also looking forward of every dates that people request to me... Hope I will have fun and enjoy the day with them... I wan to be happy not sad... I also looking forward to Christmas... I wish I can have a ROMANTIC Christmas date with a special someone... Hee heez... I wish to have my very first Christmas date no matter we are at where... Importantly, is that I can be at the side of that special someone...
Starbuck MOCHA Large size TOMORROW!! HERE I COME!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠3:43 PM
Monday, October 05, 2009 ❤
Back to blog... Today is such a fun for me... Hee heez.. Did not stay at home the whole day... Morning woke up early and prepared everything for interview... Did not put on light makeup because a little rush... So out of the house at 8am.. Took bus, train and bus to Upper Thomson Road...
Reached there early.. 1 hour before the interview.. So walked round the industries area for 1 round.. Lolz.. Nothing to do... Walked till the shoes beat me... The shoes dun love me to do this.. Hahaz... Then went into the office at 10am..
Was interviewed by 2 staffs at 10 plus... Was really nervous like shit... My lip suddenly dry till like hell... And I even can't talk properly... Sianz... Both of the staffs know that I super nervous... Hahaz...
After interview, took bus no. 169 to Woodland station and bus no. 187 back home... During the whole bus journey, I really going to freeze as the aircon damn so big... I have been staring outside with my sight just went blur.. Fell asleep a little in bus too.. Haiz...
Back home at 12 plus and had lunch plus breakfast... Received SMS from Yali asked me to go Marine Square to study... Lolz.. Got prepared and pack my stuffs... Father drove me to Jurong East station and off I took bus no. 97 to City Hall...
Met her at 3 plus in the MacDonald... Had a LARGE size cup of Cappuccino.. Everytime must have a cup when I am studying outside... It is my habit... Lolz... Though thought that it might kept me awake but it did not again...
Study not too long... Yali had a suggestion of going to K Box at 4 plus.. So I agreed... Together went for K box... Love singing with her... She is my singing partner always since Secondary... I will not forget the time we sang together on that school stage... Nice experience with her... Though I am not get high due to previous period matter still in my heart not fully get rid... But I enjoyed the time with her when in K BOX!!
Had Chicken Nuggets in K BOX!!
Sang till 8 plus went home straight because I am tired... Sorry that I can't continue to study anymore.. Feeling quite sleepy...
MSN-ed with people while editting my photos... Yup is nice to chat with a friend, Ivan, since so long never contact each other... Did not accept his supper date just now though he said he will drive me for supper together... Because I just got home and tired, dun feel like going out again.. Next time we shall meet up soon to chit chat... Hahaz..
Today no alcohol drinking because I did not buy as I think I must save money.. Now keep coughing... Damn.. Hope I dun get sore throat... Looking forward to my 2nd interview on this coming Wednesday and is under helping at Finance Dept... Hope this time can success...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:15 PM
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Alcohol for the day...
Just now my mood was super down to the max.. Dun wish to max WHY... Because it is already PAST... Dun wish to think back either... Sorry People who keep on asking me what happen... I keep on repeating "Dun ask" or "Dun wish to say"... Because I dun wan to cry again.. And I dun like to say it anymore... It is damn tiring...
I already deleted all the PAST photos... And looking forward a brand new relationship who really treasure me a lot and dun give up so easily... Wish to give me happiness till forever... This time round I will choose my boyfriend carefully... Not falling into traps anymore... Dun wish to get a terrible hurt... So now is good to be SINGLE first..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:24 AM
Sunday, October 04, 2009 ❤
Back to blog... I crying again... FUCK YOU CHEE BYE... Why I have this type of life...?? Why can't I love someone can be last long..?? Now great I fucking hate you... And you love to make me feel this way... You as a guy promise a girl say you wish to be forever with her and yet give up a love so easily because reason is feeling is faded... What a fucking damn stupid reason..?? Dun you know you have tear my heart into billion pieces...
In future, you might not easily to be strong in relationship because you give up mine so easily... Girls dun love a guy who give up love so easily, another meaning girls might just feel you are just playing with them.. Not serious at all...
TO EVERY GIRLs out there, please do open your eyes big big to look for boyfriend.. NEVER EVER FALL INTO THEIR TRAPs from the SWEET TALK from their mouth... They will only show their true colours when they get sick and tired of you all... Then start complain that they dun like you all dun be so childish...
I wonder those guys, who love sweet talk, is it drinking too much of sweet talk..?? That why keep on blasting those sentences... It just simply make me feel so disgusting... And guys please do behave yourself.. You should know what I mean...
If you guys love your girls deeply, PLEASE TREASURE THEM and dun break any promises that you have made to them... Girls' hearts are weak... Once you broken them, it is damn hard to cure them back... I hope all guys can understand all this...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:28 PM
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Back to blog.. I dunno why this quite happening to me since long time ago.. When I am at home, I will feel the sudden stress... This stress I dunno come from where... Feel like head going to blast like that... Haiz... I hate this feeling of being stress..
Have been waiting for him to online because I still miss him... Dunno why my heart keep on thinking about him.. But I really dun feel sad or hurt by him.. Keep on looking forward that he might come back to me... I wish he can really be truth to his heart...
Yesterday there is a girl "♂Mǐk●♀" in Friendster, who I do not know about her at all from JB, asked me that this question "eman是你男朋友？？"... I just curious about why she ask me this... She also did not added him at all.. But why she asked me this question... I dunno why I felt a sudden of jealousy...
From the past till now, the feeling for him from my heart is the same... Whenever I see him not unhappy, I still feel the heartbroken feeling in my heart... Yet I still pretend nothing happen at outside and still smiling happily at him... I really hope I can be the one to make you happy like what I have done in the past.. Doing all those silly and dumb actions just to make him feel happy... I dun mind doing all those things again to him...
I am still waiting for him to online... Wish he can faster online... Because I wish to talk to him... Haiz...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠5:07 PM
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4th of Oct... FINALLY I had a wonderful dream last night.. I will not forget that dream... Because is a predit not real... Maybe it will come true one day... Because sometimes I can tell the future by using my dream... That is my power...
Maybe only he can be my witness because once time I told him I dream about an earthquake happening in Indonesia and Singapore can feel it too... I can't tell which part of the Indonesia happening earthquake..
Anyway, I shall wait for the dream to come true one day because I know that he is still love me and just that he dun wish to let me hurt that why he choose to let go... But I dun mind about this hurt... Is maybe I have too much time staying at home doing nothing, that why I keep on thinking the hurt... Please give me a chance to love you back..
Do you know?? In my dream, you said you decided to use kissing on my lip for 7 seconds to test that you still got that past feeling for me and so do me... If your heartbeat still jumping fast while kissing me, you decided to continue with me...
But in the end, I did not know the result because I was awake... Damn What a waste... I wish to know the result... But overall, it is still a very sweet dream because I still got the chance of kissing him and miss the way he hold me when kissing me... I miss his every hugs from him... Haiz... Really hope that this dream can come back to me again.. And it is EVERYDAY Dream...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:07 PM
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Today have been disturb by that guy again... Really never give up on woo-ing me... Keep on repeating the same sentences of how much he love me or say whatever love me forever and ever... Can you please give me a break?? You know it is about way to my anger limit and I did not scold you because I really dun love to scold people... And I have not replying your messages when you talk about that... I only reply if you talk about normal topic but not LOVE...
If he keep on saying his feeling for me is faded, I possible might not believe because he still can say he is hurt.. And I do feel happy that he still care about me... Though not like last time that caring... But I dun mind..
Have been chatting with him about the relationship quite long time... Hoping he can change his mind and come back to me... I seriously need him... I really dun think I able to accept another guy... I wish he can be mine... From the day that I started the relationship with him, I already told myself to be serious and no matter what happen, must not be unhappy with him try to give in everything in order not to have quarrels with him...
I seriously treasure the relationship with him... Because I love him too deeply till can't explain... I do he can give himself a chance and me too to make our love bond get stronger and be together till forever... And right now I will wait for him... I LOVE YOU!
YAY.. Have this fish as one of the dishes for dinner... My most favourite dish since small small till now I still love to eat...
CHEER!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠2:23 AM
Saturday, October 03, 2009 ❤
為何當自己要真心認真愛一個人﹐
想和他組一個美滿的家庭﹐
卻不能夠長久。。
當你說你要離開我﹐
我卻不知道該說什麼才好﹐
我的心就像被撕成亂七八糟。。
我真的很難受。。
沒有你的日子真的過得很煎熬。。
每天都做同一樣的惡夢。。
每天我都睡不好。。
每天的我都用酒來麻醉自己。。
我知道你對我還是有感覺﹐
而我的心還是每分每秒的想著你擔心你。。
你為何只顧著自己做偉大﹐
放開了我﹐
你不知道這對我很難受很痛苦嗎??
好不容易真心愛上一個我最滿意的人﹐
不久就要和他分開﹐
這對我打擊很大很大。。。
為何不給自己一次機會﹐
也給我機會再愛對方呢??
為什麼我們只碰到一個問題﹐
你就要放棄嗎??
難道我們不能一起面對??
但我不會再勉強你了﹐
我想說的都說了﹐
決定你自己選擇。。
但我都會在這裡等著你。。
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠7:11 PM
