Tuesday, September 30, 2008 ❤
30th of September.. Is it already the LAST day of September?? I really dunno at all.. I have forgotten... Mmm... Really say real I dunno why the time past really fast... I am gettin old soon.. Still got 1 years plus I will be 21 year old.. And I can watch R21 movie in cinema... I hate it because I often kena check IC... Maybe of my look look young...
I have think through life... From now on, I will try to be happy no matter what had happen and often think at the BRIGHT side.. I must use my fake smile mask forever till I get use to it... Because people always complain to me that when I dun smile that mean I like very unhappy with someone... So everyday I must always be HIGH and make people laugh...
This few period found that BOYFRIEND changed a lot... No longer like the last time... Last time she often know how to make me happy or give me surprises without fail... She even touched my heart without fail... But now, she always think of herself first and never often treat me like her girlfriend..
But I am glad that she will not forget that after work, she bought me food that only feel a bit full...
I think I still prefer the last time de BOYFRIEND... I will not forget the most that I told my BOYFRIEND that how I wish my BOYFRIEND can gave me flowers... And the time that we went for holiday some where in Singapore.. BOYFRIEND gave me flowers for present... I was SUPER TOUCH by her action and also sad that I cannot bring that flower home... So BOYFRIEND and I decided to left the flower in the hotel... Really miss the FLOWER... But lucky I still have the picture of that flower that BOYFRIEND gave me...
I do hope that BOYFRIEND can change back... I miss the old BOYFRIEND... Now she dun SMS me oftenly... Only when she need help then she will SMS me... I jus scared that BOYFRIEND might jus makin use of me... But I trust her so I will not think that bad way...
BOYFRIEND I love her... I really dun wish to leave her... I wan to stay by her side to look after her whenever she need me or dun need me... I miss her lot lot...
Count down to our 7th Month Anniversary ❤ 8 days...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:31 AM
Monday, September 29, 2008 ❤
29th of September... This few days really happen too much of things and I think I might goin CRAZY soon... Heard that BOYFRIEND has to live in hosptial for 3 days because she need to do something to let her throat recover... I really worry about BOYFRIEND.. I do hope that I can go to hospital to accompany her... But I know I cannot because of WORK..
Secondly, I found that my head pain is gettin worst... This head pain is really killin me... Sometime it make me go dizzy like hell, sometime it make my eye sight a little bit blur, sometime it make me feel like vomit, sometime it make me feel that I am flyin... ARGH... BOYFRIEND suggest me to go and look for doctor... I really hope that this head pain can be control by medinice...
Other things I think I have forgotten... But I do really love the time with BOYFRIEND sometimes... I know she care for me but jus that she dun always show to me very oftenly... I hope that she can love me like in the past... And also hope that she can SMS me more oftenly.. I do miss her sweet talk that touch my heart..
Anyway, jus hope that the 2 of us can get well soon... And can live happily together till the time end... I LOVE HER FOREVER..!!
COUNT DOWN... ❤ 9 days to our 7th Month Anniversary...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:42 AM
Thursday, September 25, 2008 ❤
25th of September... Mmm.. BOYFRIEND bought herself a laptop... Went to her house and helped her with the laptop because she never touch a laptop before in her life...
Teach her some stuffs and also reminded her some rules of being online... Because when being online, the danger was quite high and chances of gettin virus are also quite high if go to an unknown website...
Stay at her house till 7 plus... Then went back home... On the way home, I also not so feelin well... I think I am weak... My head very the dizzy... Somemore I hardly open my eyes... Feel like cryin... BOYFRIEND did not send me home...
Tomorrow will be meetin BOYFRIEND at Jurong East Entertainment centre to teach her some stuffs about being online again... Hope that she is a FAST learner... Hahazz... Got to go and sleep now.. Good night people~~
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:50 PM
Wednesday, September 24, 2008 ❤
I dunno why I suddenly have this thought in my mind... I am goin to change and be more understanding... I also wan to be mature... Hahazz... I wan to be a BEST wife to my BOYFRIEND...
From the past, when I first met BOYFRIEND, she trust me a lot and willing to tell me everything about her past... I felt so sad for her past because she did not really have a good life when she was a teenager age...
I am so happy that I can listen to all her problems and also try to help her... When the time we got together, it was last year somewhere in end of year, I almost everyday went to her house... Sometimes is bought her and her sister lunch from school and sometimes is I pon school and no place to go so go her house to play and sleep... Hahaz..
I miss sleepin on her bed... Last time we even share the single bed and sleep together... But now different because in the house, her aunty and her cousin move into and I have no more chance to go up to her house anymore... Last time I even planned to stay one night at her house but I know this is really impossible already...
Now only if BOYFRIEND can come my house to sleep when she feel like it... But I dun think she will wan... Last time BOYFRIEND always come my house to sleep oftenly because I help her to transfer the songs she wan into her handphone...
Anyway, I miss the time when we able to sleep together... With her sleepin by my side, I feel so happy and safe... I really hope that one day again I can sleep with her.. Hee heezz... LOVE HER SO SO much...!! CUTE BABY!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:41 PM
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24th of September.. Today Off.. No need to go back to work.. I so sudden miss BOYFRIEND so much... Cannot see her and cannot sms her make me feel so sad.. Jus hope that everything is FINE for her...
Heard that her chest pain again... Really kinda of worry for her... Haiz... I really dunno what to do is right...
Anyway, I wish that BOYFRIEND can recover really soon... I LOVE HER FOREVER!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠7:26 PM
Tuesday, September 23, 2008 ❤
23th of September... Comin to the End of September... Really damn fast... Today I can say that I am quite happy because I am the one like in the past... I love the way that I behave today... Love it..
Today as usual.. Went to work in the afternoon then work till night.. I love BOYFRIEND workin with me... And finally she came.. Mmm... Jus realise that BOYFRIEND's body gettin weaker and weaker each day... BOYFRIEND's illness like gettin worst... Hope that that stone in her body can faster disappear... Dun let her suffer...
BOYFRIEND bought a laptop today... But the stock still not yet come... Must wait for another 3 days... YES!! Next time can chat with BOYFRIEND online LIVELY... I love it... No need to keep SMS-ing...
Anyway, BOYFRIEND GET WELL soon... I love her FOREVER... I promise I will be her wife FOREVER!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:04 AM
Sunday, September 21, 2008 ❤
21th of September... Finally can rest... I am very very tired after 2 long weeks of work with no OFF days at all... Everyday work work work... Yet nobody will willing to thank me wan... Haiz... I think in future I will not try to answer any calls from the outlets if they call me...
BOYFRIEND never come to work.. Make me worry... Her body is damn weak... Suppose wan to treat her dinner after my work... But in the end, she cancel... Because she dun feel like eatin anything... Argh... I really dunno what to do already... I only can pray to gods that PLEASE LET HER GET WELL SOON... I really dun wan her to suffer...
I sms her a lot and also did remind her to eat a bit... But she never reply me at all... I really hope that she can really take care of her own body when I am not around.. I really love her lot...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠6:30 PM
Saturday, September 20, 2008 ❤
Back to blog again... Today really such a totally different day for me... I really a DARE in work.. Lolzz.. I never know that I am that DARE... I say people stuff so LOUD until someone really bu shuang then wan to one on one talk...
I really jus sit at one side and and her bark... I will not waste my fuckin time to quarrel with the person that I dun like.. I jus control my temper... If I never control, I dunno what will I do... I maybe might go to her and slap her one bloodly tight slap on her face... MAYBE... Lolz...
Whatever.. Jus dun wan to mention the whole matter happen in the evening... FUCKIN make my day so ANGRY!!! Today I finally know that BOYFRIEND does also care for me a lot... Because when I cry, she also will take tissue for me to wipe.. So lovely of her.. For so many months... Hahazz...
I know that BOYFRIEND still do love me as usual.. Jus that she was lazy person to express out... Anyway, BOYFRIEND's body is damn weak... Always not feelin well... I really hope that she can get strong...
I love how BOYFRIEND treat me today... I finally can hold her hand once again... Hahazz.. I hold her not she hold me... I behave like a guy... Anyway, tomorrow shall wait BOYFRIEND to finish work... Because I miss her damn much if never see her for a while... Hope tomorrow shall be another HAPPY day for me... Wee~~
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:33 AM
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20th of September... I think I have stepped to another world which is brand NEW world to me.. And I also find that I am much more happier than last time a bit... At least I found that work is much more important than anything else... And much more I like to bring happiness to all the people around me...
LOVE..?? Jus kinda of feelin quite sad... Because dun feel that BOYFRIEND love me like in the past... I now tryin hard to be more understandin to her... I even try not to let her angry and make her feel more happy... I even dun care much about my feelin...
I even try to SMS her everyday to tell her my feelin but in the end I get no reply from her... I jus dunno why... I really hope to know what actually happen to her...
Life can be darkness if I think lot of negative things... But listen to a lot of friends' advices life can be full of brightness if you think that there are still friends around us... Jus that never notice and always busy with own stuffs...
Hope that I can be more strong and more happy girl iin the world... Plannin to change my hair style in about one month... And also goin to do my rebondin again... I miss the straight straight hair... Hahazz...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:33 AM
Thursday, September 18, 2008 ❤
18th of September... I really down a bit... Have not see BOYFRIEND for 2 days... Suppose wan to go out with BOYFRIEND today but she need to see doctor that why she cancel it... Mmm... I wonder how BOYFRIEND now...
I really feel so uneasy when she never sms me how she is now... I jus hope that she can rest well at home...
BOYFRIEND get well soon PLEASE... I wan my BOYFRIEND to be health... I really hope that I can go to temple to pray for her for her health...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠8:24 PM
Wednesday, September 17, 2008 ❤
I am back to blog again... Really think too much when BOYFRIEND suddenly did not sms me... I think in the past I am really wrong... BOYFRIEND was RIGHT... I really think too much...
BOYFRIEND today did not come for work... And I have to last minute to go for work... Because she is not feelin well again.. In this months, she already had lot of MCs for work... About more than 15 pieces.. I really worry about her body..
Anyway, I hope that she can get well soon... And also do have some time to accompany me to go out... I miss out all the dates with her...
We had not been huggin each other for a month and not kissin each other for 2 months... We even not holdin each other hands for at least 1 week... BOYFRIEND did not call me "DEAR" for 2 months... I miss the old BOYFRIEND...
I really hope that she might able to accompany me tomorrow to go out after my work... Because I do miss her a lot a lot.. RECOVER SOON BOYFRIEND..!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:19 AM
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17th of September.. Really LONG LONG time never update... Because I wish to be alone for a little moment... Yup did quarrelled with BOYFRIEND... Is not a very small quarrel... BIGGEST quarrel ever... Jus dun wish to mention about the quarrel... I deleted one of the entries from my blog as to keep my word back...
After that quarrel, I felt that I did changed a lot.. I no longer everyday think that life is darkness... I must be a little mean to those people who always bully me and look down on me.. So I will be feel happy and LIFE is meaningful... I know is a bit bad.. But I feel better if I took a little of revenage from them, so they will able to learn their lesson...
I took back my BREAK from BOYFRIEND to give her another chance to be with me again... I know friends will say why I like that... I hope you all can understand that BOYFRIEND really too pity that I jus cannot throw her aside.. She always selfish but I really kinda of pity about her life... I wish I am the one who can bring her happiness and I dun wish her to suffer in future.. But sometimes she also did treated me very good...
BOYFRIEND really sufferin and she had to be like a man to earn as much money as she can for her own family... And she is damn weak... I hope that she can be stronger and health..
BOYFRIEND I hope that we will not quarrel and learn from each other about our own mistake... We must trust each other and also Believe each other... I know the journey for us is really TOUGH but we must hang on to it and work hard to get our journey done successfully... I LOVE YOU BOYFRIEND..!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:19 AM
Wednesday, September 10, 2008 ❤
10th of September... Today suppose to be my OFF day but in the end cancel and got back to work... I can say that I am really damn tired... I hope that I can some OFF days together continueously...
Received an SMS that BOYFRIEND not feelin well and need my help... Yup... I replied back that she only know how to SMS me when she NEED me... That time I was kinda angry as I jus being disturb by her SMS from my sleep...
I slept 3am and she sms me at 7 plus in the morning... So what for to care more... I willing to suffer because I love my BOYFRIEND... No choice... Although I quite a little angry with her, but I dun bear to do so... I love her too much... Hate her will make my life even worst...
So at the time, I could not sleep at all.. So boring... At 9am plus, woke up for work... WORK WAS SO IN A MESS in the night... Shall not talk about that more... Jus wan to forget it...
Tomorrow shall be another LONG day of work... Haiz... HOW I WISH THAT THE MOONCAKE FESTIVAL CAN FASTER OVER... It is really tiring in the work when 3 people workin is equal to 2 people workin... And somemore need to EXTEND sometime... And in the end, Company DUN PAY US THE OVER TIME PAY...
I wonder how BOYFRIEND feelin now.. She had not been SMS-ing me... I somehow quite worry about her... I am really quite sad that I cannot stayby her side to take care over her... I wish that she can faster recover... I LOVE BOYFRIEND..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:32 PM
Tuesday, September 09, 2008 ❤
9th of September... I feel so lonely at everywhere... I dun even know I have a family... I have family or dun have family really not important because now my life I have to support myself... I used my own money to eat... I used my own money to buy the things I wan...
My parents jus simply BIAS... FUCK... They still give my brother money to use and buy the things he love.. Yet I dun really have... I know I am a GIRL.. Because when grow up, I will be marry out of this family... That why I am not important at all... HELL...
I hate my family... Because my hand the cut line still appear... But yet no one in my family even notice that... That mean I am not really important to them...
I am really tired of everything... I really hope that I can faster grow up and jus stay with the person I love most FOREVER.. I dun wan to face my family anymore... THEY ARE JUS A BULLSHITTER.. ACT ONLY...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:30 PM
Monday, September 08, 2008 ❤
8th of September.. Today is our 6th Month Anniversary le... We have been together for 6 months.. Really being tough to be together... Had lot of lot of quarrels... Mostly are BIG not small...
I try very very hard to understand BOYFRIEND... I know that she is tryin hard to make me happy... But jus that she is not like other guys who can always like makin some jokes or sayin some mushy words to me..
As long as BOYFRIEND still love me and never ever flirt with other girls, I will not quarrel with her de... I do really wish that we can have a date soon.. But I know is quite impossible because of our workin scheme...
Work always make her feel damn tired... I do really hope that she can dun over work herself... As her body is very weak.. She often get sick easily... I dun wish my Baby to be unhealthy..
Anyway, I LOVE BABY FOREVER... HAPPY 6th MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:27 AM
Friday, September 05, 2008 ❤
5th of September.. Really felt great about yesterday... Yup promise is made that I will change... I think I can do it really soon...
Work was ok... After work.., went to Jurong East entertainment to meet BOYFRIEND to help her to do things.. Bought my laptop along too.. Damn heavy my bag... Then met her at MacDonald...
Helped her to transfer her songs to her handphone.. Ate my dinner while BOYFRIEND only ate some of my fries.. BOYFRIEND not feelin too well again.. Think must find some thing for her to drink to make her body to be stronger..
After that, BOYFRIEND and I withdraw cash... And we took cab together back home.. BOYFRIEND sent me home first.. I wonder that the time can pause so that I can have more time with her... I dun wish to be separate with her after meeting her for a while... I really still have not really enjoy much with her..
All I wish to say that BOYFRIEND I LOVE YOU!! My forever Baby..!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠2:07 AM
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 ❤
Sad sad sadness... Argh... Dunno what my BOYFRIEND being doin these few days... Have not seem her... NO MORE SMS from her again... It really make my heart think so many scary things... The worst thing that BOYFRIEND might fall in love with other girl.. This is the WORST OF ALL... I do hope that this will not happen...
Today BOYFRIEND sick again... I really quite worry for her... I asked her that I wan to visit her but she said dun need... I miss her and I hope I can take care of her... But I dun think BOYFRIEND wish to see me either... I am so so confused...
Hope that I can see BOYFRIEND healthy again tomorrow... I do hope that she can change back to the one that I love the most in the past...
BABY I DO NEED YOU EVERYDAY.. YOUR LOVE AND CARE...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:56 PM
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I am quite sad for myself... Jus a sudden.. People said I emo.. I dunno am I emo or my heart is cryin?? When BOYFRIEND not beside me, I feel so sad, lonely and unlove..
What can I do so that I can make her to love me more again.. Without her sms, I feel so uncomfortable... I am jus confused... I really dun wan to make any wild guesses... My heart feelin uneasy... And I do really scared that she might change her heart one day...
BOYFRIEND what promise I have made in the past I will not break... Because from the day, she gave me the RING, I have confirmed to be with her FOREVER no matter what things happen.. I really dun mind how poor are we as long as we can live happily...
I really hope that she can understand my heart for her... IF really one day have to let her go, I really dunno how my life will be... I might break down and really do need a few month or a year to recover my heart after breakin into billion pieces by her...
I do not hope that this day will happen... Jus wish me good luck for tomorrow as I givin her a gift and hope that she can tell me what she really want...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:14 AM
Tuesday, September 02, 2008 ❤
Thought that I will be able to have a good rest but I think I am wrong... Lie on the bed at 3am and worry about BOYFRIEND tomorrow first time work at Level 1.. Sms her something to take notice...
After that, tryin damn hard to get to sleep... I think I have turn right and left non-stop for a hour and sleep... Then at dunno what time wake up again and turn right and left on my bed again and tryin hard to get to sleep again... But I can't... I think today I slept less than 6 hours... I jus dunno why...
My sixth sense is like tellin me that something maybe good will be happening to me that why I am excited and can't get to sleep... Or am I still worrryin about BOYFRIEND... I really dunno... Haiz...
So no choice... Woke up at 11am after lie-ing on the bed for a long time... Today I really dunno what to do for my this OFF day... Sianz...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:21 AM
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2nd of Sept... Yesterday was a brand new of me... Yup I changed a bit of my attitude.. But sometime a bit I still cannot control myself... But I think I success a little... Maybe I shall work hard to change my attitude...
Today did not talk much with BOYFRIEND because she was POPULAR by the aunties... So I had been left out by them.. I ignored their talking and busy with my stuffs... I dun wan to get angry that BOYFRIEND ignore me...
Anyway, heard from BOYFRIEND that she is sick again... I wonder when she can really recover.. She really weak like hell... I somehow quite worry about her... Is really no use that if I sms her because she will no reply... I also do not wish to think too much...
Today is my only OFF day.. I am goin to rest well today and tomorrow shall be a better and refresh day for me to work... Anyway, THANK for the people who have been caring about me for these period.. I feel so touch... With you all support, I think I can be a stronger girl and hurt no more from outer, although my heart still hurt by BOYFRIEND...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠2:46 AM
Monday, September 01, 2008 ❤
I am hurt by BOYFRIEND..!!
1st of Sept... Yesterday had a really BIG quarrel with BOYFRIEND.. I really dun wan to quarrel so I chose to keep quiet and let her scold me whatever she wan.. And in the end, she was unhappy with me... I asked her what she really wan... She really can't make up her mind...I kept quiet for the whole night yet people also choose to ignore me and have fun chattin with BOYFRIEND... Why do everyone does not really care about my feelin..?? I have been hurt by BOYFRIEND yet people still can have fun and chit chattin with BOYFRIEND happily...
I AM TERRIBLY HURT BY THESE PEOPLE INCLUDING MY BOYFRIEND..!!
I told her as before I shall jus gave her one week break... And in this one week, I will not SMS her... And try not to work with her.. Another good word is to AVOID her... I am really tired to quarrel with her...
Hope that after this one week... She like be like the usual one that will SMS me oftenly.. If really cannot, I think I may give up on her...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠2:32 AM
