☠❤Unexpected Jas❤☠

Friday, January 30, 2009 ❤

Woo~~ 30th of January... Jus now went to watch that Hei Se Hui videos... Yesterday esp was the most interesting... And I also very interested... It is the Horoscope... I will state some horoscope which show in the video.. They only talk about their Love, the most lucky and the most unlucky for this entire 2009.. This lady who say about horoscope is SUPER 准..

桃花运最旺
第一名天枰座 (Libra)
第二名狮子座 (Leo)
第三名金牛座 (Taurus)
第四名牧羊座 (Aries)
第五名巨蟹座 (Cancer)

The MOST UNLUCKY for 2009
第一名双鱼座 (Pisces)
第二名射手座 (Sagittarius)
第三名处女座 (Virgo)
第四名天蝎座 (Scorpio)
第五名魔蝎座 (Capricorn)

The MOST LUCKY for 2009
第一名金牛座 (Taurus)
第二名狮子座 (Leo)
第三名水瓶座 (Aquarius)
第四名巨蟹座 (Cancer)
第五名牧羊座 (Aries)

Woo~~ I am the THIRD in the MOST LUCKY 2009... I no longer feel unlucky... Maybe... They said that Aquarius no longer care much about relationship because their main forcus is their WORK... And the main thing for 2009 is Aquarius wan a new entire life for 2009... This is what they say...

Mmm... Missing BOYFRIEND right now... I do care about BOYFRIEND a lot... Jus sometime feel so a bit angry when I sms her 10 messages to care for her and she jus replied ONE message which is VERY COLD to me... People will not understand that this type of message does HURT a lot... Sianz...

I wonder why do some guys always like that.. I did some blog hopping.. I also spotted one of the girl who also have the relationship with a girl.. Somehow I feel that she also have the same problems like mine but the different is her boyfriend still even got the time to date her out often during their off day...

However, they break because girlfriend suspect boyfriend flirt... And they also have been separated working in different outlet... Trust and believe being destroyed between each other... Wars start to begin and slowly tired between each other... LASTLY, Girlfriend Dumped BOYFRIEND..

I do hope that this type of case do not happen in BOYFRIEND and me... And I do keep hanging on hardly to continue it... People will not know that I have changed... Because in the past, if I found BOYFRIEND flirt, I will speak no more, straight away I will dump my BOY... But this time, I give her chance again and again... And I am happy that BOYFRIEND no longer flirt more like last time...

I also glad that she still listen to me in the past that I told her I dun like her to smoke too much and she QUITED...

Anyway, Our 11th month anniversary is coming really soon... Hope that we can be FOREVER... I LOVE YOU BABY HUBBY...

9 days to my 20th Birthday..
8 days to our 11th month anniversary...

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY

YU TING JIE!!

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:27 PM

Thursday, January 29, 2009 ❤

29th of January... Mmm... Suppose plan to go meet BOYFRIEND for lunch but last minute, BOYFRIEND said that her sister coming to meet her, so I dun wan to disturb her meeting her sister, I cancel the date from her instead.. Though I a bit BU SHUANG but I must be understanding ma... I BU SHUANG because I wake up quite early and get prepared, looking forward for the time to meet her but in the end, she said that her sister was coming down..

Actually, I am a person quite dun like to being disturb when on a date with my LOVED one... I am a STRANGE person...

Decided to go Jurong Point walk walk with cousins and parents... Thought that I can buy some new clothes but in the end., NO... Because they keep goin to somewhere which is Supermarket, Fairprice Express... Sianz sia...

So no choice walk around with them... While I also keep making lot of noises to my mother... Lolzz..

Then back home for a while... Another group of cousins came to my house to wait for other group of cousins came to go my block downstair there for dinner... Total about 15 people... Lolz.. So we had to shift the TWO BIG TABLE joined together so that we can have more space to eat around...

Actually my cousins are from MALAYSIA... And today SPECIAL they jus arrive to SINGAPORE this morning... So we had dinner together... And some of my cousins already had been working in SINGAPORE quite a long time yet I did not know that... Hee heezz...

Anyway.., I plan to tell my parents about BOYFRIEND case and also our relationship case... Yet I also feel a bit scared... As my parents are not quite OPEN.. Before I telling them, now is the period to CONFIRM that is BOYFRIEND willing wan to stay with me FOREVER... Because I jus scared that she might regret... Hope that I can confirm her as my HUBBY as soon as possible...

Haiz... I now having a slight flu and some coughing... Damn I still not recover... Sianz...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:14 PM

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The Lighter colour bear is given by BOYFRIEND in the past.. And now it has no batteries to speak "I LOVE YOU".. And WELCOME the Dark colour bear bought to me by BOYFRIEND... "They both are BROTHERs" ---> Said by BOYFRIEND.. Lolz...

29th of January... Going end of January... It is really fast... February coming really soon... This few days I am jus not feeling well... First day of New Year down with fever, 2nd day quite heavy flu and now the 3rd day blocking nose and a bit of flu... Jus hope that I can really get well soon... Haiz...

Yesterday felt quite happy... Hee heez... Jus felt that BOYFRIEND like became the olden day of her... I admitted because I not feeling quite well and I did quarrelled a bit with BOYFRIEND... I knew is my fault... Because I am jealous... And also everytime my mood in the morning not so good... Jus dunno why...

Anyway, BOYFRIEND in the afternoon gave me a little teddy bear that put it in my bag sercetly without me knowing... Hee heezz... I love that BEAR... And I am not goin to bring out because I scared like last time, it might dropped or lost either get dirty so easily...

Getting tired already... Later afternoon will meeting BOYFRIEND for lunch... Wee~~ Looking forward... I LOVE HER so much...

When I press the heart of the bear.., It said "I LOVE YOU".. So sweet...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:25 AM

Tuesday, January 27, 2009 ❤

Back to blog... Tomorrow will be FIRST day of work after Chinese New Year... Guess work should be busy really soon again... Because Valentime Day is COMING SOON... Less than about 2 weeks like that...
Missing BOYFRIEND every single minutes today... BOYFRIEND did not really talk much with me again... I wish that what she really thinking... I dun wan to left unknown... Haiz...
Mmm... I now at the sudden wish to make some foods... If it is success, I will try to make it into business like SELLING online only for SPECIAL event... Not everytime are available... Now in the process of learning.. Hope that I can gain more PROFIT and earn more money for future...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:31 PM

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Back to blog... I am bored at home... And I already recover from my fever... Yesterday night did not really sleep well... Keep having a bit of running nose... And also at a sudden, I woke up at 3.59am... I dunno why... Then Force myself to sleep again...

I feel so tired now... Haiz... Now really miss BOYFRIEND.. Did not receive any messages from her today... Yesterday I kept told her that I am sick... Thought that she will be like last time care for me.. But I am wrong.. She jus like talking like a friend of mine... Told me to tell my parents to see doctor... That all...

Last time, she will not say that... She will tell me to recover soon... And care for me more... Now she jus a totally different BOYFRIEND... I wonder did she ever hiding something from me... If she change her heart, I will allow her to get LOST from my life wan... Because I dun really need a BOYFRIEND who really being selfish wan to being shared by many girls...

Dun she ever know that BOYFRIEND only belonged to ONE PERSON who is his/her GIRLFRIEND... And never ever hide anything from GIRLFRIEND... Even got problems will share everything to GIRLFRIEND first NOT FRIENDs... I wonder what she has been treating me as??

Really dun have the mood to celebrate this year Chinese New Year... I think I should not even being so excited about this coming Valentime Day too... There will be NO SURPRISES from BOYFRIEND.. Everytime she keep only complain that she is TIRED when I try to ask her out... I even cancel my date with her during my birthday because I dun wan to waste her time to spend the night with me... As SHE IS TIRED and need more REST...

Thought that my wish might be fulfill but in the end, I let it go one of my wish... I really feel so sad... Because I cannot celebrate my birthday with MY LOVED ONE... I shall spend my birthday ALONE... That might be my choice... Guess so...
Anyway I taken some my own photos yesterday... Because LONG TIME did not really take photos...

Haiz... Now really hope that BOYFRIEND can send me some SMS-es to make me happy or either some messages to care for me... I MISS HER so much.. It seem like a few years never hear from her or see her...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠2:35 PM

Monday, January 26, 2009 ❤

Gosh... New Year FIRST day really not my day... Wear so nice yet in the end fall sick in the night... I am so much unluckily.. Maybe I am tired till I fall sick... Today I did not really sleep well... Sleep late yet wake up early... Feeling so much tired...

Dreaming about working... Damn I was really worry about my work... Because last time I cause so many trouble to my friends and yet they helped me... And now I keep worrying my work which is already past a few day ago... Because I really scared that history will happen again... I really scared to cause them trouble... I dun like to create trouble... Because if trouble happen, it is my fault not their...

I wish that I can have a THERMOMETER now to take my temperature... But my thermometer no batteries already and it stop working... Guess I need to buy a new one to keep it in home for future use...

I need to rest now... My fever still ON... BOYFRIEND dun really bother much about my fever... Haiz... Will updated later in the afternoon... Still editting my pictures... Luckily cousins coming my house later so no need to go out...

People SWEET DREAM~~

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:55 PM

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HAPPY NEW YEAR People...

Is already NEW YEAR... Not really in Chinese New Year mood at all... Because I feeling TIRED to visit house by house jus for red packets... Sitting at there and nobody chat at me is so much boring.. ONLY can sit there and keep eating those COOKIES... O man it is jus making me goin to be FAT... That why I no longer interested in eating those cookies...

Valentime Day is coming really soon... Went to some about Valentime day web on Channel U... Create the pictures and might stand a chance to win a laptop... Viewed some of the pictures... Feeling that a lot of couples are so much LOVING... I really admire them that their partners are so LOVING... They also can take photos with their partners or show their friends that who is their partners... While MINE, I CAN'T because of some reasons...

I dun mind if BOYFRIEND show them that I am her girlfriend... However, BOYFRIEND mind a lot that if I let other people know that she is my BOYFRIEND... I wonder WHY?? I am jus scared that HISTORY might happen to me again from her... I am jus scared that she might have another girlfriend outside as she really never wan to talk to me whenever she is happy or whatever mood...

Having a partner is really important because it is to share your every single emotion to your partner so that she/he will know how you feel now... Not jus hiding everything from your partners... This will cause a lot of MISUNDERSTANDING... I wonder BOYFRIEND will really understand what I wan...

Everytime I keep telling her that dun ever hide things from me because couple should have no sercet... But to my disappointment, she did hide something to me... Something that regard about MONEY... I am so much feel so HURT... I wonder is that because I am still immature to her...

Found these some pictures that made from either a HIM or a HER.. Really quite PRETTY and ROMANTIC...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:10 AM

Sunday, January 25, 2009 ❤

25th of January... Now watching Channel 8.. Some Chinese New Year show... Heard those like Chinese Horoscope really quite actual... Because it says that I like easily feel tired in this COW year and also can easily being show bad temper to other people... That also make me have no friends slowly... Advice is that try to reject all the dates and have more time to rest at home...

However my luck for this year is really good... Because is like I wan what I will get what... Money also can be easily come to me... Hee heez... Hope that this last sentence is TRUE...

This day I have been missing BOYFRIEND badly... Argh... Sms-ed BOYFRIEND trying that she will chat with me but she never reply me at all... Haiz... So sad and so hurt... I wonder what she is doing right now... I really hope that I can know...

Mmm... Today I have started to receive some RED PACKETs from people... Wee~~ I am so surprised that they gave me EARLY... A lot of people keep telling me that wish I can get a BOYFRIEND faster... Haiz...

And I was jus like smiling away and did not reply anything... I feel quite unwell to say that I do have a BOYFRIEND... Because if I say that I have a BOYFRIEND, they will keep saying that bring my BOYFRIEND to let them see... They really interested to know who is my BOYFRIEND...

I wonder in future how I goin to say... Am I goin to say that I AM STILL SINGLE?? I am so CONFUSE... Because this SINGAPORE, not people can accept this type of relationship especially the LESBIAN LOVE for the elderly... I wish that they can accept who is my BOYFRIEND...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:25 PM

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25th of January... 2 more weeks to my BIRTHDAY... OMG... And also about 20 more days to Valentime day... This maybe the FIRST time that I am not goin to be lonely for this Valentime Day... At least I have a BOYFRIEND and hope that I do really break my curse... Everytime those BOYFRIEND I break with them or they dump me are BEFORE Valentime day on December...

Finally found a song which really suit me a lot.. Find this song also very meaningful... Somehow it also like talking about my feeling in my life...

This song is called 美人鱼 sang by Vivian Hsu... I love her voice a lot... And also her pretty looking is damn sweet..

我是一条没有人养的鱼
背着自由面无表情
彩色眼睛受伤的心
只有看到黑白的

你我像一条没有人养的鱼
我的悲伤你不在意
说过的话飘过脸颊
我无法挥去一切从新再来

舍不得我为什么说再见
能不能收回我说的每一句话
舍不得我为什么不忘记
做一条快乐美人鱼

你的温柔总是来了又去
我的孤单(不稀罕同情)
你的电话忍住不打
我不想变成习惯等你回来

舍不得我为什么说再见
能不能收回我说的每一句话
舍不得我为什么不忘记
做一条快乐美人鱼

舍不得我为什么说再见
能不能收回我说的每一句话
舍不得我为什么不忘记
做一条快乐美人鱼
游向幸福的大海里

Everytime I went to K box... I will never forget to sing this song as I love this song a lot a lot... I also quite looking forward for her album... But she has not been come out with any album for about 2 years... Think so... Her songs was great...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:02 AM

Thursday, January 22, 2009 ❤

I really dun really what guys are thinking... The more they get older the more they get so DIRTY... Keep asking those young girls to have fun... I really dun understand... Why do they wan to get marry in the FIRST place..?? And when they get tired of their own partners they go out of their own home to find FUN...

Simply I am now playing TAGGED... Something like friendster... And I updated quite a number of photos into my profile... In a day, I can get about 10 or more friend requests... No joking... But in friendster is different... All wan to make friend with me are the range of age 22 to 50...

Some messages me saying that they will like to make friends with me... And ask me for MSN or contact number... They also did asked that they will like to date me out for some drinks or shopping either movie date... They hope that me and them will can go more further if both party go well...

MAN dun think I dun understand what they are meaning... They are jus trying to ask me for some one night stand... I not that stupid...

One of the message..

jas.u are so very pretty in this pic.. frankly, after lookin at ur profile n beautiful pic, I have the intention which is to make friends with u and ask u out.. have drinks .. hav dinner.. go shopping.. and see if these make u & me happy.. otherwise we will move on.. drop me a line ok.. i am a harmlesss n decent guy-

FROM FORCE T

Picture of his photo... http://www.tagged.com/mypage.html?uid=5404662728

OMG.. He is 44 years old... I will not make friend with those guys who can be my father... He should have his own family... He should care his own kids more than goin online find NEW friends... This is so BAD...

I will updated more about this if I find out any guys send me these types of messages... BEWARE dun let me catch it IS YOU sending me those...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:11 PM

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22th of January... Today I feel so much better because jus dunno why... I am able to sleep quite well... Maybe last few days I have really cry till I tired... Somehow I still unable to sleep straight away though I am tired... I must turn left and right about 30 minutes before I can get in sleep...

Today work jus so so... I jus dunno how people look at me... Think that many adults jus dun believe me because at my age to them, I am jus like a kid in their eyes... Even thinking also like immature...

Mmm... After work, went home straight... Did not go anywhere... Switched on my laptop straight once I reached home... Saw a message that being sent to me yesterday midnight... It was sent by BOYFRIEND.. I felt touched that she really care for me... Tough it was jus a small message but it touches my whole heart right inside my deep heart...

Thank for the LOVE, Boyfriend... I do love her so much... I miss her right now..

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠7:35 PM

Wednesday, January 21, 2009 ❤

21th of January... FUCK!!! My parents simply dun really care about my feeling at all... I already angry yet my FUCKING FATHER can add more oil to me and make me more angry... I am so ashamded that I have this type of FUCKING FATHER... OMG... STOP ACTING CUTE as like you know everything from me...

Man jus now I watch my movie using the DVD in the living room finish almost 10 minutes... Then my FUCKING FATHER suddenly rushed out said what his NEWs goin to finish... Then somemore dunno how to use that remote control to on the TV... LAME shit... Everytime keep watching TV also dunno how to USE..

I never ever watch TV before so LONG yet I know how to use... Somemore put the blame on me that IS ALL MY FAULT that he almost miss his NEWs show... OMG... What the hell have he been doing in the KITCHEN for damn FUCKING LONG... I simply hate my father damn too much...

I jus dun wish to quarrel with my CHILDISH FATHER... My attitude is different from both my parents... From small, I keep wondering am I their child... Because I dun look like them at all... Maybe in the past in hospital the nurse carry the wrong baby to them... Hahazz... I am so much hate of my family...

Whatever... Bought the movie that I have search for it a few months ago till now... FINALLY I got to watch... Last time did not watch it in cinema because I was busy and really no time to go and watch...

Overall, the movie is super TOUCH... How I admire that I can have this type of LOVING and CUTE BOYFRIEND.. Anyway, I do love the attitude of that girl who acting the MAIN character... THE ROBOT girl... She look like a doll so cute and pretty...

Here is one of the video about the movie...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠7:09 PM

Tuesday, January 20, 2009 ❤

Have been staying in my own room from the time I wake up till now... I never leave the room for more than 10 minutes.... Because leaving my room, I will dunno where I wan to go... I feel quite somfortable with my room and is also like a prison to me...

Have been crying far too much today... And now my eyes look at other things quite blur... I can see the things in DOUBLE...

Now jus keep waiting for BOYFRIEND to SMS... Hope that she can really know how to be a GOOD BOYFRIEND... Automatic to SMS me to care for me... But I think she will not because she is tired always...

I wonder what she doing right now... Never fail always on call... Chatting with someone... And I dun really wish to mention... Because nowaday, she keep acting really BIG... Everything seem like wan to listen to her as for me only... Because I am younger than her that why must listen to her... NO CHOICE.. Even SENIOR also MUST...

Whenever, I give some comments that can help... She jus listen in one ear and other ear goes out... Even can't make herself a own decision... I really can't take it this type of person... This person always like trying to make thing BIG lor...

Haiz... This world is too cruel... Everyone jus like to BACKSTAB each other... And I really dun LOVE... If you really dun love that person, PLEASE simply jus show that you dun like that person... What for keep acting like so friendly with them... STOP LIE-ING TO YOURSELF THAT YOU LIKE THAT PERSON... I HATE BACKSTABBERs... SIMPLY NO LIFE at all...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:16 PM

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I am bored... I dunno what to do... Jus now cried in the afternoon... Sms-ed BOYFRIEND that I need her so badly... But she never replied... Sms-ed her till I goin to crazy... Told her how much I needed her... At the sudden, I feel like jus end my life eating those medicine... In the end, BOYFRIEND finally replied coldly that SORRY she is busy not free.. Another knife jus stab into my heart deeply...

I feel that BOYFRIEND no longer like last time... Last time she will care for me... But now she will not... I thought she is the only one who can really care for me a lot.. Yet I was wrong... No one in this world do care for me a lot.. I am jus EXTRA...

I know I no longer the most important person to her anymore... Because I really dunno her at all... Even whenever there is good new or bad new, she also dun even care to tell me first... However, the MOST IMPORTANT person to her now is someone in work... I dun wish to mention her name at here...

Haiz... I feel so sad... Last time I did quarrelled with BOYFRIEND... That time I told that friend that why BOYFRIEND like to put her anger on me... And I never told her that BOYFRIEND is my BOYFRIEND yet...

Yet her reply was because I am the youngest that why BOYFRIEND love to take advantages on me... After seeing her reply, I never reply anything back... Because that time I know it every adult love to take advantages from the youngsters... Thank for her words that making me feel so betray... From that day, I felt that I should not easily trust every adults...

My elbow still in pain a bit... BOYFRIEND never really care about me... Never ask me that my elbow recover or not... She jus dunno anything...

I have been crying the whole day of TODAY... The tears flowing Non-stop out of my eyes... BOYFRIEND did not know that I crying non-stop... As usual treat me coldly like none of her business... I feel so useless...
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Jus now in the afternoon watched that CAMPUS SUPERSTAR 2009 that was shown yesterday... I missed that eps because working... So got to watch it online today... Overall.., the competition was a bit boring because many of them keep singin those smooth or sad songs... I am looking forward for more songs that are included dance... That is more entertaining...

There are some screenshot from CAMPUS SUPERSTAR... I also support Ridhwan... Lolzz.. The only MALAY BOY in the competition...

That is Ridhwan... JIAYOU!!
Another competitor that I like... I like her attitude... So cool and so daring...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠6:10 PM

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Another useless day... I dunno what actually happen to me... I feel so BREAK DOWN... I cry so oftenly... Yet none of the people really come forward to care for me... INCLUDING BOYFRIEND...

I SMS-ed her saying that I need her... Yet there is no reply from her... Why did she treat me so coldly...?? Is it she is tired of LOVING me..?? Why everytime other friends got problems they can call her yet I can't?? Everytime I always dun wan to call her because I dun wan BOYFRIEND too worry about me...

In work.., I seriously treated them as friends but now I am WRONG... They jus treat me as those naughty playful kids, who dun really dunno anything at all... Thought that I am talking rubbish to them... I simply being hurt by those people... I feel so regret that why do I treat them so nicely yet they jus treat me like a kid... And the worst is that some of them take advantages of me... All those stuffs that need a lot of energy to do leave it to me...

I am tired of everything... I need some pills that can cool me down... I do need something that can really make me calm and relax... I feel like smoking... But I scared of that smoke really strong...

I am all alone in this TOUGH journey right now with no one supporting me... I AM TIRED!!

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠2:46 PM

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20th of January... 700th posts... My left elbow is in really pain... Now I even have a bit problem to blend it or either lift up and down... Think I will find something to apply it.. I accidently knock my elbow into some hard wall... Damn.. This isn't my FIRST time... I am always so careless...

Yesterday wasn't my day at all... Day was not really soon at all... Yesterday night had a quite HORROR dream yet I dun feel scared at all... I dunno why... It happened right in front of my eyes... And I dun feel anything at all...

I remember clearly this dream... The weather was very bad... Raining heavily like hell... I was jus at the LIVING room... Suddenly, I heard a lot of people were like making a lot of noises.. So I walked into my kitchen to see what happening... Half way toward my window, I heard a "PONG" on the first storey.. This sound was damn loud..

Walked toward the window then saw this teenager girl was lie-ing on the floor with her eyes opened big big... Then next another guy also a teenager drop right in front of me... Luckily that he still survive a bit because he landed on the soft soft thing on a truck but he is in seriously injuried...

Next, I ran out of my house... Trying to rush to the first storey jus to save him... The staircase was seriously being blocked by a lot of bicycles... And really cannot made my way down so easily... But in the end, I am not in time... He died...

Heard from the neighbors saying that these few teenagers had been locked in the house by a person and that person set the fire in the house... Total there were 7 teenagers... They tried to escaped from the fire by jumping out of the windows... But in the end., they end their life by jus jumping out of that windows...

Seriously, I dun like to see people die right in front of me... I really hope that there is always a GOOD and HAPPY ending... Everyday see people die does make me feel so sad... And also being let me emo in real life always... Anyway, it is jus a dream afterall.. I hope that dreams do always end with a HAPPY things...

I admit myself.. I totally break down... I am no longer that happy person... I feel so stress and tired in life... I wish that BOYFRIEND can really care for me a lot whenever I need her... I tried to tell her my every problems... But she keep telling me dun think too much... That is the thing that I dun wish to hear... How I wish that she can say something that can make me feel calm... Something that can make me feel love by her alot..

This few days I dunno what had happen to me... I keep forget what I am doing.. Or can say that I dun even know what I am doing... I feel like scolding myself... I cry almost everyday to make myself understand my mistake..

Now I really scared to make new friends... I scared people knowing my things too much... I dunno what I scared of... I dun understand why...

I am all alone.. Trying to be STRONG... But I am tired... I hope that time can pause... I do need somemore rest... A LONG LONG REST... I wan to be a person who is not me at all...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:52 AM

Monday, January 19, 2009 ❤

19th of January... Time being fly really fast... Soon will be Febraury coming... Missing BOYFRIEND right now... Jus now really had a bit of GREAT time with BOYFRIEND... She is cute...

In the train, really had fun with her... Hahazz... Trying to lie my head on her shoulder... Then she jus like trying to hide away from me... Hahazz... Anyway., I must thank BOYFRIEND sometime when she really help me... And she really did guess my heart a bit right but yet not fully known... Hahaz...

Looking forward on my birthday... Maybe goin to a NEW hotel to stay overnight with her jus like last time... But this time is not 3 days 2 nights... This time is 2 days 1 night only..

Wee~~ Love BOYFRIEND a lot... Sweet dream people..

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:49 AM

Sunday, January 18, 2009 ❤

Is another day again... Thought that I can sleep longer, but in the end, I wake up early... Because feel so disturb by a thing inside my heart and brain... This thing keep asking me lot of question till I cannot sleep properly...

But this thing really ask a really good question to me.. And make me keep thinking over and over again...

This thing has been asking me about my relationship... It ask me that do my BOYFRIEND really LOVE me that much.. If she does, then why do she always dun really spend some time on me instead with other people... Why I always try to SMS her to chat but she never reply..?? Why she only answer other people call?? Why do other people like to act cute in front of BOYFRIEND and yet BOYFRIEND dun really feel disgust?? Why do BOYFRIEND seem dun worry and dun bother when I am hurt or being bully by other people...?? Is she really LOVE me a lot or she jus wan to take advantage of me..??

I really dun wan to answer all this question... Because whenever I answer, my heart hurt so badly.. BOYFRIEND really sometimes care a lot about me but not very often.. She also LOVE me but she never always express herself much that she love me... I often feel so DISGUSTED when other people act cute in front of BOYFRIEND and also being so JEALOUS...

If I truely LOVE a person, when other guys act cute in front of me, I will always say something that HURT them or jus ignore their actness... That why other guys always say me DUN ACT COOL... Lolzz... Simply jus feel that other guys act cute feel so GAY... However, if BOYFRIEND act cute, I will feel that BOYFRIEND is so CUTE...

I am really confuse and also feel so stress... Another also feel so WORRY that BOYFRIEND dun really LOVE me that much like in the past... Because all her messages to me is "Dun think so much" or others... But the MAIN thing that only she can send me is that "Dun think so much.. I still LOVE you..." Something like this will make me think that BOYFRIEND love me a lot... And her heart only belong to me... The magic word is "I LOVE YOU".. That is the POINT that really dun make me think too much...

Anyway, I do hope that she can understand my thinking... Because she is the FIRST person I put in a lot of LOVE... And I have give up a lot of thing jus to concentrate to LOVE her and try to give her happiness... Other past BOYFRIENDs dun get it from me ONLY HER... Hope that she can be serious with me... I LOVE YOU BABY HUBBY...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:14 PM

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18th of January... Haiz.. MISSING BOYFRIEND right now... I wonder when she will able to know my heart.. She only can make me HAPPY if she is willing to spend time with me like dating... I really miss dating with her a lot a lot...

Many guys said that I am pretty and also comment that sure a lot of guys wan to woo me... But yet they are wrong... I am jus a person that is not easy to get along... Guys might jus afraid to get near me or even come forward to talk to me...

Dun ever judge by the outside look... This sentence really true.. And my weakness is I do have a VERY STRANGE character compare to other people in the world... I am a bit of COLD-BLOODED... And I also really shy to express my feeling to other people... That why I always keep so quiet...

Actually, I really a very soft-hearted person... People can easily cheated on me... Though I dunno the real matter...

Maybe I shall admit that I am an alien to everyone of you all... Hahazz... I do have different thinking quite often compare with other people... And I dun really behave like the attitude of what normal teenagers should have...

Haiz... Getting late... I got to sleep... Hope later will be a BETTER day... I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND lot... Looking forward to her SMS every single day... Pray that she will sms me more often... I miss her lot... Though I know that she dun really miss me at all... Sianz... Sweet dream...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠2:01 AM

Saturday, January 17, 2009 ❤

Argh... Dunno why this few days I can easily get so MAD... I must cool down... Not long ago... I went to a website call TAGGED something like friendster... Found a message from an unknown friend.... His message was wan to paid me $1500 for FUN... This is the 2nd time I got this type of message... First time was friendster...

I not that FUCKING cheap person to let the guys play around... If wan to play, please go find those girls who really play with guys... BUT DUN EVER find me... PLAYBOYS...

I will update my blog again LATER...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:35 PM

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17th of January... Nothing special happen as usual... Dunno why always feel that LACK OF SLEEP everyday... I really very sianz everyday have to wake up... I wish that I can have a LONG LONG sleep... I have told my mother that on the Chinese New Year first 2 days I will not goin anywhere... I will be staying at home to rest... I dun mind collecting money from other people... I really NEED MORE REST...

I really missing BOYFRIEND right now... Yet BOYFRIEND really dun feel it at all... I do need her badly but she is not by my side... At the sudden, I feel so much USELESS... Sometime people say something that really hurt my heart, yet I jus dun wan to show that I am hurt and forcing myself to smile and laugh with them together... I am really tired...

I not seeing BOYFRIEND often like other normal couples... Jus feeling that though I have a BOYFRIEND, but I still feel I AM SINGLE.. I wonder when BOYFRIEND can make me feel that I am really in relationship... Every her SMS I am always looking forward...

This time round I tell myself not to be stubborn anymore... Told myself must believe myself that BOYFRIEND still love me that much... But yet I dunno BOYFRIEND really love me that much... I am deeply hurt by BOYFRIEND's some actions...

Now I must only be STRONG on my own... No one can really help me or come forward to care for me... I AM ALL ALONE..!!

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:51 PM

Friday, January 16, 2009 ❤

16th of January... Missing BOYFRIEND right now... She should be sleeping already... And I am still awake... Hahazz... Working morning later... So sleeping really soon...

Anyway... I guess I really had no LIFE at all... Nothing interesting things had been appearing in my life... WORK, EAT, SLEEP... Nothing much... Now only dreams can give me some advantures... Wee~~

Last night dreams were the coolest... They brought me through those thrill cases which I have not really gone through before... If really one day happen in REAL life.., I wonder how will I feel... Will I be brave enough to face all those problems??

BOYFRIEND kept remind me to go to pray... Because I have been dreaming all those HORROR dreams very often... Mmm...

I jus love those HORROR dreams so much... If really one day I got seriously injuried in one of the HORROR dream, will I ever can wake up again in REAL life or I jus sleeping to death..?? I really if can I wan to sleep to death instead... Because it is not pain at all..

Hahazz... Anyway, I will not continue anymore... I got to sleep right now... Sweet dream people... LOVE~~

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:01 AM

Thursday, January 15, 2009 ❤

15th of January.. Yesterday night I got some HORROR dream again... But this time it is quite interesting... And I got to solve the cases with my partner who is my BOYFRIEND... I can't see the BOYFRIEND's face qute clearly... But this BOYFRIEND in my dream is not the BOYFRIEND in real life..

This BOYFRIEND in my dream quite handsome and very protect me... Never ever try to let me hurt...

The 1st HORROR dream happen at my house carpark there... It is jus like a war between the Singaporeans and the people from Indian... Those Indian people jus see what people and KILLED them without thinking... That time I was standing at my window watching...

2nd HORROR was that one accident involved in about 2 cars and 1 lorry... The 2 cars smashed together and the drivers came out wan to talk but this lorry suddenly smashed into the cars and make about 360 degree turn... And that cause the two drivers being knocked down and being flatened by the lorry... Those drivers were killed..

3rd HORROR is that some people had been gone MISSING... In the end, they will FOUND being buried in my house carpark there... They were being killed by unknown people... After being found, they were not in nice shape... As they were very very seriously injuried...

The 4th HORROR that got involved by me.. Had a small gathering jus below my house there... And also being known that there is one killer who cheated the girls one by one and killed them fiercely...

SLOWLY.., me and BOYFRIEND suddenly suspect that person... That person being a bit scared and took out his pen knife and started to throw at us... Wanting to kill us... BOYFRIEND held my hand and ran to hide with me... After that, I did not know what happen next.. Because the 5th HORROR dream appear..

5th HORROR dream was that I got to solve the case... Had a little outing with friends... BOYFRIEND was around too... And found that one of the friends looked so strangely... She was listening to a call... And told me that her mother called and told that she was goin to KILL one of the friend...

I snatched the phone from her... And kept saying "HELLO HELLO"... But no one was talking yet it is really in a call... Then I gave back the phone to her... The victim got onto a boat and I also followed up too...

OFF we into the sea... Suddenly this boat was uncontrolled... And the waves of the sea is really in dangerous stage... To save the victim, I throw her from the boat to the nearby land.. And suddenly I was being throw off from the boat and landed on the land with seriously injuried... My whole body can't moved... BOYFRIEND and other friends ran to me to see am I ok... But I tried to tell BOYFRIEND to check on that friend because of that strange call from a friend... BOYFRIEND kept did not really listened to me and tried to carry me to bring me to hospital...

Next, I woke up... Too bad I wanted to continue the dream as I wan to know what really happen next... Quite so interesting dream... Hope that maybe later at night I can dream about the continous of the 5th HORROR dream... Wee~~~

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:15 PM

Wednesday, January 14, 2009 ❤

ARGH... I jus can't stop myself... I dunno why am I feeling so looking forward something..?? I dunno what am I looking forward... Aaahhh... I missing BOYFRIEND really badly right now... I really dunno what to do... I also feel like hugging her... Argh...

MAN jus now went to some ONLINE Taiwan shopping web... Saw a few T-shirt damn nice... I wan to buy... But I dunno how to make payment... Now still waiting for the owner to reply me... That T-shirt look like those PURE MILK shop... But the design is so attractive to me... OMG... Let my heart so itchy... And make me wan to buy them...
One of the shirt I wish to buy... Selling quite fast... DAMN...
At the sudden, I feel like goin to shop... But yet no one wan to accompany me... Sad... Because friends timing are not match with me... BOYFRIEND also no time to accompany me to shop because she is quite busy with her work... The only choice is that I goin to SHOP ALONE... So damn uninteresting sia... I hate to shop alone...
I now waiting for BOYFRIEND SMS... I really hope that she can SMS me... I miss her damn much...
YAY... BOYFRIEND finally say that 3 words again... Waiting damn LONG jus to wait for her to say that 3 words... Is not easy for her to say that words oftenly to me...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:02 PM

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14th of January.... One more month to Valentime day... And LESS than a month to my 20th Birthday... Is really coolz...

Yesterday was a TIRING day... Woke up in the monring then off to work... Last minute got to call up and help to work in Jurong Point... Thought that can go back early to rest... Then no choice because no one willing to go and help... So I had to go...

So worked till 10pm... They let me off... Then faster took train back to Lot 1 to find BOYFRIEND... Great that BOYFRIEND still have not leave yet...

Passed the Pineapple tarts that I bought at other place to her... It is jus a Chinese New Year gift for her... I wish that she can eat whatever I eat.. I jus dun like to be selfish... Then together went back home...

Today no need to work because OFF day... Stayed at home for the whole day... So kinda of boring... Cannot go out at all... Because no one wan to go out with me...

Today woke up at 1pm... Really had a quite nice and average dream... No horror... Dream about BOYFRIEND came to my house... Not only she came, other people also came... To my surprise., BOYFRIEND wore a long dress... Super cute and pretty... Hahazz...

But to my disappointment in that dream is that BOYFRIEND did not come forward to talk to me like the real life now... ALL the same... I hate it... It hurt my heart again... So pain... Haiz... She jus simply can be so happy with other people yet not me, her girlfriend...

Suddenly, it let me miss the happiest memories that we had in the past... Because she can late for work jus for me... That make me super TOUCH...

Anyway, my birthday coming soon.. And I hope she can dun make me disappointed... I hope that she can spend her time on me during my birthday... Because BOYFRIEND is the most important person in my life who is goin to accompany me to walk the whole journey with me...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠4:41 PM

Monday, January 12, 2009 ❤

Woo hoo~~!! Jus create blingee blingee on my image... I jus a beginner now... Start using this program not long ago... Shall create more images includes blingee blingee... Look damn shinning and coolz..

Today work was fine... Suppose go for an activity with friend and BOYFRIEND... In the end, cancel... Because BOYFRIEND not feeling damn well.. Then asked a request from BOYFRIEND to accompany me for shop...

BOYFRIEND also reject... Dunno why my heart feel so sad when BOYFRIEND reject my request... But actually in my mind, I dun really mind BOYFRIEND dun accompany me.. I understand that she is not feeling well but I hate my heart become so stubborn... I have 2 charactertics in my body... DAMN.. I hate that...

So after work... Stayed a while with BOYFRIEND then BOYFRIEND accompany me for a little while... Bought the pineapple tarts from Bengawan Solo... Get special discount from one of the staffs... Hee heez...
The pineapple tarts damn delicious... After eating one piece and continue wan to eat the 2nd piece... Like jus can't STOP myself to eat those pineapple tarts... Hahazz... And also it is like jus FRESHLY made... Did not feel like make LONG LONG ago those type...
Then BOYFRIEND accompany me walked 2nd storey of the shopping centre jus for 5 minutes... Because I dun wan BOYFRIEND to be suffering from tiredness... Anyway, accompany BOYFRIEND to wait for train at Jurong East station then off back home alone...

MISSING BOYFRIEND right now... Miss, miss, MISSED~~!! Argh... BOYFRIEND I MISS YOU like hell... Wondering when is the next time that we can go out for date...?? Is it the only time when my BIRTHDAY came..?? I beg you also DUN GET SICK ON MY BIRTHDAY... I really hope that I can spend my time on YOU only on my BIRTHDAY though I open a BIRTHDAY PARTY.. Please dun make me disappointed...

My wish for my whole entire of life is that I can celebrate my birthday with my BOYFRIEND only... I do hope that BOYFRIEND can fulfill my wish... From now on, BOYFRIEND please take care of your body.. Dun anyhow eat dirty or overnight food...

FINALLY... Watched finish the FIRST esp Campus Superstar 2009... This time the competitiors are really PRO in singin though they are jus AVERAGE looking... This time I think is really FAIR... Not like the past... Love to hear the singing of that little 13 year old boy.. So sad that at the backstage he kept crying non-stop and must be brave to pretent nothing happen and to sing in front of the WHOLE audition of the SINGAPORE...
Now I am waiting patiently for that result show... I am very sure that ADRAIN confirmed will be out because he forgot the lyrics for the first part of the song... It is important that competitior must not forget any part of the lyric at any part of the song for so LONG...
I also did not bear that ADRAIN to be out as I am also quite looking forward for his next performance... But Today he is too nervous... That why his performance not so good... Anyway, do JIAYOU...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:11 PM

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12th of January... Super late to me now... Goin to sleep soon... Yesterday work was jus so so... Mmm... Worked till 8pm... Then went to shop for some new clothing for Chinese New Year... Suppose wan to buy a new pair of high heel shoes... Suppose one pair that I love a lot... But in the end, I never buy because the shoes is really HIGH and I still dun use to wear those really HIGH heel shoes... So give up the shoes...

Out of the shop, look for some new clothing... Walked round and round the shop... Tried 2 dresses but in the end bought ONE... Another dress I dun feel comfortable when wearing it... Specially the shoulder part... That dress was quite expensive... Some more is quite a OFFICE wear dress...

After that, went to MOS for some little dinner... Ordered a LARGE fries and one Ice Lemon Tea... Set there alone eating.. Damn EMO... Lolz... Ate till 8.40pm then went to the OPEN area near McDonald to wait for BOYFRIEND to finish work...

Read my book for a while then watched a video in my Ipod... Sitting there was damn fucking cold... I feel that I am freezing really soon... The wind blow really STRONG that an insect walked past me no strength to continue to walk... It flew and being rolled on the ground a few round by the STRONG wind... Lolz...

Finally 10.30pm... Waited BOYFRIEND patiently but did not see BOYFRIEND at all... Worried about her and kept calling her... FINALLY she picked up... Then went to find her... At about 11pm, went back together with BOYFRIEND...

Missing BOYFRIEND right now again... Dunno why am I always the only person to miss her yet she never miss me.. How sad... Hope later will be another better day... Anyway, got to sleep.. Sweet dream PEOPLE...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:49 AM

Sunday, January 11, 2009 ❤

11th of January... Nowaday, I slept quite LATE... If I sleep early, I jus cannot get into sleep so easily... Turn right to left then left to right, also cannot easily fall asleep... Trying to think other things that can easily make me to sleep also cannot... Guess my sleeping problem is BACK again...

I will have a short entry for today... As I really have nothing much to update for this few days as there is nothing special happen in my life yet...

In process, planning my mini birthday party... Opening a BBQ session at DOWNTOWN EAST there... If success, I will start invite people who are quite close to me or still in my friends list in MSN messager.. Good night people...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:28 AM

Friday, January 09, 2009 ❤

9th of January... So fast another day had past... I think I am getting weak... During work, at a sudden, my bottom part of my back in pain... I jus bear in the pain and dun move for a while... Trying to scratch my back for a while, so it might not be so pain...

Yesterday work was busy once I came back from my break... I have no time to drink... Even my other friend ask me why am I so quiet... Never hear me talk... Lolz... I never notice that I have not been talking until the clock strike 10.30pm... And I finally can REST!! My water bottle also left untouched... Waste my energy to bring a full water bottle to work yet no time to drink at all... So sianz...

MAN really no kidding this kinda of job is not human job at all... No time to drink water or no time to have a little laziness chit chat...

Missing BOYFRIEND... I miss her hug... Miss her kiss.. Kiss her everything... Everything seem not enough from her... Jus dunno why I feel this way... Anyway, we dun have a date really LONG... Dunno when can we have a date again..?? We seem keep busying our work only... Yet no time for dates...

Anyway, got to sleep... Sweet dream people...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:04 AM

Thursday, January 08, 2009 ❤

Mmm... Jus feeling quite bored... And still thinking whether I can successfully organize that chalet on my BIRTHDAY... Still got one more month to my birthday...

Later goin to work... Man.. Sianz.. Jus dunno why feel so boring when wan to work.. Life is so meaningless... WORK, EAT, SLEEP... That my life...

Hope that everything can go smooth and fine... Lastly, I MISS BOYFRIEND a lot a lot...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:44 PM

❤

8th of January... HAPPY 10th month anniversary to BABY and me... Have been together for 10 months... The LONGEST relationship ever in my life... I hope BABY can be the LAST for me... I dun wan anymore guys to enter my life... But I will never stop guys who wan to make friends with me only..

Anyway, BOYFRIEND never work today... So great right... Can enjoy the day at home... Haiz.. So bad that every anniversary we will never like those other couples in the world can go out for some shopping or others.... We always busy with our working... I do admire other couples... Because they can easily hug or kiss their partners so easily... While mine.., DIFFICULT... We even seldom hug or kiss... KISS maybe appear twice in our relationship, hug maybe about 3 months once... Lolz... So strange right..

Not like last time... My ex BOYFRIENDs always hug me when they need it.. I know I can't compare my BOYFRIEND to them... Because this time my BOYFRIEND is SPECIAL!! Because she is shy when outside if hug together...

Anyway, this is my very FIRST to love a BOYFRIEND so deeply... I hope that she is the RIGHT one and can continue with me for the journey... I LOVE YOU BABY HUBBY~~

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:31 AM

Wednesday, January 07, 2009 ❤

7th of January.... 1 MORE day to 10 month Anniversary to BOYFRIEND and me... BOYFRIEND dun look so interested for the day to come.. That make me feel so much hurt... Think as usual again BOYFRIEND shall never ever SMS me a wishing message to me on the 8th of January... For our whole relationship, she only wished me ONCE that is the 4th month anniversary.. I still REMEMBERED it clearly.. And I dun wish to forget because that is the only time I being quite happy... At least she still remember the DAY!!

Another day has past again... My back there still in pain... Think that I sprain my back... Actually can say is not the whole back... Is jus 1/4 of my back...The upper right hand position which very near to my right hand...

I dun even tell anyone about the pain... Because it is useless to tell everyone yet everyone still even seem to bother to care for me... I prefer to keep it in myself...

Yesterday night before sleep.. Memories flashing in my mind again.... And I cried for afew minutes... I feel so much tired in my journey and I really have no more strength to continue my future... Because everyone jus look at my outside... My outside is so much cold toward other people... But yet inside they never realise that my inside always wish that they can come forward to talk to me...

My brain also keep asking me a question... Is my BOYFRIEND can really be a good husband?? I can't answer this question at a sudden... Even my friends ask me whether I am single I also even can't answer them I do have a BOYFRIEND... Because BOYFRIEND seldom really treat me like her girlfriend...

Whenever I need her, WHERE SHE IS... I need someone to protect me but she even dunno... Not long ago, called BOYFRIEND for a chat... Discussing about chalet during my birthday.. She sounded like not so interested... This chalet I do need someone to help also... And I hope she can help me.. But I was WRONG!! I am hurt terribly from her....

Not like last time, she look forward to book a hotel room when I am willing to ton outside... I think if time still can turn back, I do wish that time can jus stop at that time... Let me have more happiness with her during that time only...

What happen already happen... Jus hope that BOYFRIEND can be like LAST TIME... BOYFRIEND using the different method treating me from other females.... I only can see the LAST TIME BOYFRIEND when she talks to other FEMALES only but not me anymore LONGER... I miss her so much so much...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:01 AM

Tuesday, January 06, 2009 ❤

I now simply jus cannot control myself... My head is like FUCKING pain... Somehow inside my brain keep flashing a lot a lot of bad things... Keep telling me this and that... All BAD informance.... Can my brain STOP all those actions...?? I wan some PEACE..!!

This few days I also cannot sleep well... Wan to sleep early end up yet sleeping late... Can I have sleep pills to keep me sleep well?? I wan THEM!! I seriously need them...

What had happen to me..?? Even when sleeping, I also can dream about I am still working... I wan some good rest... I even dream that I do WRONG things.. I even automatic wake up when I do something wrong... Thought it was so REAL, but when I open my eyes widely.. Then I realise is jus a DREAM...

I am getting bad from worst... I hope that I can sleep well... Everyday starting from this few weeks.., I feeling so much stress from work... Dunno why... When I feel stress, my head start to pain... FUCK!! I hate those FUCKING head pain...

Someone PLEASE HELP ME TO STOP THOSE PAIN IN MY HEAD~~!!! I BEG YOU ALL...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠9:43 PM

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6th of January... 2 more days to 10 month anniversary to BOYFRIEND and me... Guess BOYFRIEND is not even looking forward... Haiz... I getting weak... My back is in pain... Dunno why suddenly pain... Sianz..

Today after work, went Orchard alone... Felt so very lonely... Even handphone also damn quiet... Hate to have handphone even no one come and disturb me... Sianz...

Went to Taka and into the Bookshop... Shopped there for more than 30 minutes to look for books... Guess what... The magazines that I wan to buy not on sale yet... So damn like FUCK... Looked that the notice that the Japan current had adjust... Haiz.. Prices of the magazine might increased...

So walked and walked round and round in the books of the sea... And finally bought 2 books from all those crowd of the books... Some books are really not bad some jus not so attractive to me... Hahaz...

Suppose wan to go to Far East Plaza to shop for clothes... In the end, NO~!! Because time is getting late... And I am quite tired.. Some more.., one person shopping really no mood at all... Not fun at all... No one accompany... Very EMO!! Hahazz...

Tomorrow can only see BOYFRIEND for about less than 10 minutes or even lesser... Shall not say WHY... And I hate this.... I dun even got the chance to see BOYFRIEND more... ALWAYS... FUCK sia...

Jus hope that BOYFRIEND can SMS me today and chat with me for a while... Because I miss her badly... Haiz... Even if I have a BOYFRIEND, jus got this feeling that I still feeling SINGLE... WHY is this happening to me... I feel so hurt by the feeling.. I miss BOYFRIEND so so FUCKING much...!!

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠6:21 PM

Monday, January 05, 2009 ❤

Argh... I feeling damn boring right now... Dunno what thing to do... I missing BOYFRIEND really badly like hell... Feeling that I wan to go down to find her... But I cannot... She is working right now... OMG... What should I do to stop myself missing her too much...??

SMS-ed her told her I miss her... But no reply from her... I jus can't wait for the time she finish work...

I really have no more mood to do anything... Even watching television is really kinda of wasting my time... Now I dun love to watch television... All shows in Singapore are jus SUX like hell... None of them really attract my attention...

What can I do now..?? I MISS HER Damn FUCKING much...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠8:35 PM

❤

5th of January... I am alone at home again... I feeling so much boring.. No one wan to talk to me... People in my house all went to work or study... Today suppose wish to sleep more but in the end being disturb and wake up early a bit... I woke up at 1 plus in the afternoon...

This time is quite late for all people but to me quite early a bit... I wish I can sleep more.... Yesterday night I had 2 BAD and horrible dreams... I really dunno why this keep happening to me... These period I had a lot of BAD and horrible dreams...

Last time, I dreamt small children like about baby age jump down from their house storey right in front of me.. Not long ago, dreamt about a lot of girls being hang freely outside my window with their eyes open widely...

A few day ago, I dreamt about lot of Japanese soldiers running around the country killing people... When they saw people, they jus use their guns or bombs to kill people... So much bloody...

One more yesterday dream... It is also quite bloody but I already forgotten what is the dream about anymore.. Is good that I have forgotten that dream... I dun even wish to remember what happen in the dream... It make me feel quite horror... Those things happen in the dream look so damn REAL life..

Maybe these all things might happen in REAL LIFE one day which we did not know which day will happen..

Missing BOYFRIEND right now so badly... Because unable to see BOYFRIEND quite a number of days unlike other people... I really quite admire other people that they can see their BOYFRIEND EVERYDAY... So coolz... And LOVING..

Anyway, hope that BOYFRIEND can remember our important day... Hope that she can send me something on that day.... I Love her lot..

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:53 PM

❤

5th of January... 3 more days to 10 month anniversary to BOYFRIEND and me... Ad also about 5 days I will never see BOYFRIEND or either talk to BOYFRIEND... I will miss BOYFRIEND badly... Sad.. Always like that...

Mmm... I had some cuts on my hands which I jus found not long ago... Those cuts I got happen during work... Those cuts are damn small but they make me feel so pain... Some cuts even bleed... But it did not bleed that much jus a bit of blood...

Planning to go Orchard on 6th of January after my work for some shopping in the bookshop... I wish to buy more books to read and to gain more knowledges... It is been ages for me to read the books... I think I have to start reading books or else in future I will unable to read those words in the books... I will feel so much regret...

Got to sleep early... I need some more rest... Though today is my OFF day... I feel so much tired for this work.. And also I feel stress... Sweet dream people...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:26 AM

Sunday, January 04, 2009 ❤

4th of January... Another day has gone... Really looking forward for my new life in my new age in coming next month... Hoping that I can grown up... Hahazz... Planning to change my job... Jus feeling tired under a control of the budget company... Everything is in control.. Not like last time...

Still dunno what job to work in.. But I will not work in Food industries... NO MORE for me... Because I jus hate to handle food... As food got expiry date but clothes or other items dun have... They can be able to put at the shop forever... Hahazz...

Maybe shall find job in Orchard.. If I can... Or maybe in Jurong Point... Still not yet make up my mind... If anyone need wan to hire people, can tell me...

I shall end my present job in February... Sick and tired of this company... Looking for more experience job... Wee~~

Another thing., I changed my blog song... Because BOYFRIEND told me that that English song not nice... So I changed to some random Chinese Songs... Hope BOYFRIEND will love it.. Hahaz...

Anyway, 4 more days to 10 month anniversary to BOYFRIEND and me... I have been hinting her that the day but yet BOYFRIEND still like acting DUNNO that 8th of JANUARY is what date to us... Every 8th in each month really important date to us... I always looking forward to that day that BOYFRIEND will send me a SMS wishing me something.. But in the end, she did not... Making me so much disappointed and hurt too...

Wondering this coming 8th of January will she do something that can surprise me or either send me a SMS... Jus do me something will make me feel LOVED by her a lot... Or else I might get disappointed by her again... Not like last time... I miss the happiness that we had in the past... All the past are memories... It can't be happen in the present anymore... Why do she change so much so much...???

Have to get into bed now... Good night everyone... Sweet dream...

☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:45 AM