Friday, February 27, 2009 ❤
27th of February... A few days did not update my blog... Really quite tiring about work because everyday really have not enough sleep.. And I really dun know what can I update about my blog for this period...
I had asked BOYFRIEND to have a stay over night at my house next week but BOYFRIEND have not confirm that she comin or not.. I do hope that she can come...
Really miss her a lot... It since like thousand years have not seem her... Update y blog next time when I feel like.. Good night...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠9:44 PM
Saturday, February 21, 2009 ❤
Argh... I really feel so bored... I wan to watch all the HORROR movie at one shot... I already watched some... Today... And is continue after one and another... Watched that 轮回(Rinne), Coming soon and also 期中考死...
All the HORROR movies are all about revenaging... Kill people kill till so HAPPY... Lolz... I love these types of horror movies... Because it really feel so good to take revenage by killing them one by one... I know I got a bit problems keep seeing all these type of HORROR movies... Even my mother said dun keep always watch these movies... But what can I do?? These are all my favourite style of moives...
In future if I got the time, I will be finding all the OLD HORROR movies from Japan and also Korea... I think that last time those HORROR movies are really nice... But now not so good to watch...
Anyway, really hope that they can work hard and produce a movie which is like in past... Looking forward for all HORROR movies in future..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠9:59 PM
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21th of February... Now changing myself to other people... I now no longer can smile to anyone else so easily.. Everytime when people see me, they all might say what happen to me... I look sad...
Jus now finish watching some movies online... Watched the horror movie named "COMING SOON" from some Taiwan website and it will be shown in SINGAPORE on the 12th of March only... This movie already out in Maybe Taiwan and Thailand on 2008... But Singapore is 2009.. VERY LATE.. Looking forward for more Horror movies fom JAPAN... Really long time they did not really produce a nice horror movie like JU-ON..
Here are some screen shots from the official website..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠5:15 PM
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21th of February... Really in no mood at all.. My heart bleeding badly... And I told myself not to cry anymore.. Morning I kept SMS to her till her inbox blast... Because I wan to keep this relationship LONG and I dun wan BOYFRIEND keep hiding things from me..
I made her angry because I said some harsh words to her as I am really jealous like hell... BOYFRIEND did not care I jealous or not... BOYFRIEND now changed a lot till I really dunno... BOYFRIEND love to tell her problem to her only one BEST FRIEND... She also love to keep cover her best friend in work when her best friend got problem... However, as for me, she really did not fully help me... I wonder what I am to her.??
Maybe jus a SIMPLE of the 3 words "I LOVE U" from her can solve all these problem... I will not always being jealous... Why can't BOYFRIEND understand my heart..?? I jus wan her LOVE... But yet she really keep cannot give me fully..
I asked her to spend a little time on me... She say not free, busy or either she need rest but yet she does have time for others... If she dun love me, she can jus tell me and I will jus let go... But why do she still wan to let me suffer like this..??
Maybe the history might appearing again... She also stead with one of her ex till one year break... I really scared that this will happening to both of us again... In the past, I told her if she feel tired about that person, please let go... This will make herself better.. I dun understand myself why I can easily fall for her...
I really give up on my studies to continue to work as hard as I can for her to spend my money... And dun wan to let her suffer... I wan her to have a better life with me... This is all my thinking from the past when I wan to quit school that period...
I really in LOST right now... I jus wish that gods can help us and dun make us continue to be like that so cold toward each other... I really put in lot of money, love and efforts on her... I hope that she can be the LAST...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:51 AM
Friday, February 20, 2009 ❤
20th of February... I dunno why am I feelin so sad right now... I even cried jus now in the evening.. Not really cry jus drop my tears outside when people are watching me...
I really got lot of things to talk to BOYFRIEND but I dun even got the chance to see her at all.. When I work, she at home... When she work, I at home.. Asked her out she will said not free or she need to rest...
I currently really dunno what to continue as I CRYING RIGHT now.. I wonder why my love life must be so tired, sad and full of jealous.. Why can't be like last time??
I kept SMSed her that I wan a date from her for a long time... And now I still waiting... I simply feel so lonely... Everyday waiting for her SMS.. Because now she is the only one person who can really accompany me when I bored or even I am sad, angry, happy, jealous, I will say out straight to her without hiding my own feeling... I feel so much comfortable with her... But in the end, I told her everything, I did not get a single reply from her...
I wonder what she treating me right now... Why she can't bother about my life anymore like LAST TIME..?? I feel so much XIN FU when she keep asking me about my life in the PAST... I miss all the happiness in the past...
I understand that she busy working and also busy seeing doctor for her every single appointment... And she also need to accompany her mother and her sister to go out when she is FREE... BUT YET NO TIME FOR ME... I always admire all the couples on the street... It is always feel being blessed when BOYFRIEND hugged their GIRLFRIEND tightly or hold their hands together...
Even when their LOVED one being bully, they will try their best to protect them.. Even if they got hurt, they will try their best to cheer them up no matter how they look stupid or silly... Because from their LOVED one they will feel that their LOVED one are the CUTEST and FUNNIEST... And really nobody can replace them in their deep heart...
BOYFRIEND when you have the time for me..?? I really hope that we can really be like last time happy and share your things to me... You know that I have been spending lot of money on you because I dun wan you to get suffer... I wan to let you know I care and concern about you... And MOST IMPORTANTLY, I LOVE YOU a lot a lot...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:14 PM
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20th of February... Mmm... This few days I did not really have mood to do anything at all.. Jus find that LIFE IS GETTING USELESS... I am a human waiting for the my life time to end.... What a funny person right... Yup this is my thinking right now... I have no more goals...
Even BOYFRIEND dun love to talk much with me... And also dun love to do things with me anymore... Because I even try to SMS her to concern about her, she also did not reply me at all... I wonder what she treating me as now... Really not like the past of her anymore...
Even if I am sick., I kept sms to her but she still no reply.. Till I say something not so nice then she ask me to take care... She everytime being force by me to ask her to sms me something caring messages from her... I dunno why I feel so LOVE and much better when I received her caring messages...
Last time in the past, she will not like that... Even I not feeling well, she will auto send some messages to me to ask me take care and also the most important is the 3 Words...
I wonder why do she change till like this... I wonder is it right to put my whole life on her... I jus scared that she might jus throw me aside when I need her badly in future... I hope that we can be like LAST TIME so loving... I miss all those happiness...
If she saw this entry., PLEASE SMS ME TELL ME WHY YOU CHANGE SO MUCH SO MUCH??? That let me hate myself that I am not the best girlfriend or wife for her...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:20 AM
Thursday, February 19, 2009 ❤
19th of Febraury... I am bored at home now... Later goin to work... Mmm.. Missing BOYFRIEND really badly... Wondering what she is doin... I know that she is working right now... And also with her 2 BEST friends... I know I dun have a chance to work with her... This is already known in my heart...
I really hope that she can date me out one day... I miss all the happiness with her in the past during our dates... Now no more dates from her... Even all the dates is I date her but those dates are not like goin far places or like normal couples dating...
Is jus like accompany her to work during her work break time or either try to accompany her for an appointment..
Haiz... I no longer can see BOYFRIEND more often in future... I jus dunno what to do... Jus scared about my relationship that all...
REALLY Sianz...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:24 PM
Wednesday, February 18, 2009 ❤
Gosh~ Have been busying researching about the past 2 girls that quite my favourite.. Both from a group called W(Double U) and also from Morning Musume when they are about 13 to 14 like that.. Thought that they might be managed their entertainment job well now... But in the end, they break out in the middle of the journey after the Both of them had their FIRST album out...
On the Left is 加護亜依 (Ai Kago) , Right is 辻希美(Nozomi Tsuji)...
加護亜依 (Ai Kago) in the past got into trouble by caught smoking those case.. And had to being got out from the HELLO Project... And now she doing well... She managed to get back her singin job again... And now she managing her own and not forming any group... Anyway all the BEST to her..
Can't believe that she already given birth and MARRIED... And now she is 22 this year...
And another one is 辻希美(Nozomi Tsuji)... 2 years ago, she got married to a actor at the age of 19 because she had a BABY.. And she living her life really well and sweet with her family.. She had a daughter... And because of this new, she got to leave HELLO Project.. And now I think she getting back to help and perform.. Did not get her information fully clear.. but trying to figure out what her blog writting about..
She and her daughter...
She and this year generation of Morning Musume...
Isn't she PRETTY...??
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:19 PM
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Back to blog again... Today is not really my day.. I think my life has totally TURN upside down... I really dunno what is RIGHT and what is WRONG.. I no longer dun have my own right at all... I jus hope that I am jus a death person instead...
Today morning work, I jus ate a pastry and a cup of coffee... After that, I felt a sudden of dizzy in my head... I felt that if I never concentrate on my sight, I might faint at anytime... I keep putting the oil to keep me awake... And my whole body jus sweat like hell.. I really have no strength to stand at all.. I only can sit or stand with support..
I also did felt like vomitting yet I cannot... That time I only one person... And I had to look after the outlet by myself... Trying hard to keep me stay awake yet my eyes 在放空.. That mean keep like no feeling like went to a dream land...
This feeling is horrible... Like a feeling of goin the path of HELL world really soon... I kept made myself awake by SMS-ing my BOY to let her know how I feel.. Though there is no REPLY or RESPOSE from her...
This feeling made me for 2 hours... And slowly I got recover... Other people said that maybe I not enough rest or either I never eat breakfast... Maybe I did not eat breakfast that why it cause me like that...
End of work, I went back home straight because I scared that the feeling might come back again... I tried to ask my BOY to fetch me home as I not feeling quite well... But she said that she was busy at home and she dun wan to waste money on transport fee... So no choice I have to go home alone... Fell asleep in bus during the journey back home...
After woke up which arrived my bus-stop.., I felt a bit much better... Anyway jus hope that tomorrow this feeling and dizzy dun come back to me again.. Tonight I got to rest early or else I will become more weak...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠6:33 PM
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18th of February... Gosh~ Finally finish editting some of my profile list... And also finish adding contact from my old email and NEW email... NOW is 3.30am... OMG and later I working morning... I am sleeping only 3 hours plus...
Thank to the people who love to finding details about my relationship... I have to change my blog address and recreate my email... And now I have to left a message to all the people to link my blog.. Those people are jus my Poly, Secondary and Primary school friends only..
Those people who receive my request in MSN messager.. Pleas remember to accept me... As I have chosen you all to be appear in my MSN list only.. Other old contacts who have been not ONLINE for many months ago or have been keep disturbing me to do the things I dun like example NET MEETING, will be not get being involve in my list again and in future... That is my RULE...
I need to go and refill my energy now... Good night people... LOVE~
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠3:28 AM
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18th of February... I feel so much anger in me... I think is getting too much... ENOUGH... I really dun love people so really KPO around my relationship in work or other places... STOP spreading my relationship like nobody other business... Did you all really care about my and BOYFRIEND's feelings...??
Is really upset... Now I really dunno who to trust as for some of my friends and unknown strangers (Maybe you know about my things yet I dunno you at all)... Because though I trust you all.., but you all might breaking my heart behind me... And I cried when I knew that my relationship has been spreading around at some unknow area... My heart got hurt... I jus really wish to know why people love to KPO our relationship and is really none of their business yet they wan to step into the circle and get involve..?? I it they wan to get POPULAR..??
WHY CAN'T YOU ALL GIVE US A BREAK?? AND STOP KNOWING OUR RELATIONSHIP TOO MUCH... THIS IS OUR OWN PRIVACY... UNDERSTAND??
I will plan to change my email and my blog address soon... Friends who really know me please ask me up again... I changing all these because BOYFRIEND and me wan some privacy and freedom too... And my FRIENDSTER account I might be closing down or either change something on it... I shall see HOW.. Thank for that some people making me so TROUBLESOME... FUCK OFF MAN...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:15 AM
Monday, February 16, 2009 ❤
16th of February.. Changing my own attitude in process.. I hope this time BOYFRIEND will like my attitude... Nowaday, I keep accompany BOYFRIEND to go for lunch... Because I miss her...
1 year anniversary is coming really soon... And I really looking forward... I wonder will BOYFRIEND can date me out... Long time we did not have a date since a few months ago, when a lot of people started wan to know our relationship...
Today I finally fell asleep in bus.. Because very tired.. Cough a bit better... Not like last time coughing like hell... And also did not sleep well since the cough got worst a few weeks ago.. Today I might sleeping early... As I need more energy.. I lost lot of energy from coughing...
Anyway, now waiting BOYFRIEND to finish work so I can sms her for a little while... I MISS HER so much though I jus seem her about 6 hours ago... Anyway, I miss her sleeping face... Though I know that she keep showing bad temper to me when she jus wake up beside me in the past but she jus TOO CUTE.. Hahaz.. I remember I always woke up early to see her sleeping.. And I never dare to wake her up unless when there is important case on on that day...
I wonder can we have another little few days HONEYMOON at Singapore hotel like in the past?? I miss the happiness last time we had...
I LOVE YOU my DEAR BABY HUBBY...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠9:02 PM
Saturday, February 14, 2009 ❤
14th of February... HAPPY VALENTIME DAY... Yay.. Saw a lot of guys bought FLOWERs for girls for this year... Hahaz.. Really admire them.. I know is impossible for my boy to buy me flowers too... I also think that buying flowers also quite wasted... Last time I did received FLOWERs as gift but forgot the event was that... Anyway, I will always keep the flower photo... As I cannot bring home the flower that time, and I left the flowers in the hotel... How sad...
Did not celebrate the day with BOYFRIEND but was happy that BOYFRIEND willing to come out during break to meet me... Actually, I force her to eat a proper meal... Dun really love her to suffer... I did not eat only watch BOYFRIEND ate because I only had little money in my wallet.. So that money spent on BOYFRIEND's hunger instead...
Really happy that seeing BOYFRIEND eat till FULL... At least, she got enough energy to work again... Or else she will be very TIRED... No strength also..
After that, BOYFRIEND back to work and I alone went to Orchard to buy my own stuffs... Orchard was crowded with lot of COUPLEs... Saw a few children walking around selling roses... How I wish that I can buy one for myself but it looked strange buying a rose for ownself..
After that, took train back and bus... Fall asleep a little during back home... Because did not sleep well yesterday... Cough badly for 1 hour and slept only for about 3~4 hours... Lack of sleep in this period because havin that cough... Cough sometimes can be really serious till I can almost lost my voice again... I hate the COUGH... Dunno when I can recover...
Can you all spot that I have panda eyes...?? And it is getting black and blacker each day if I did not sleep well..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:23 PM
Friday, February 13, 2009 ❤
Valentime Day comin.. And it is jus TOMORROW.. Really admire other couples... Because they can go for date without anyone care... While mine, I did not celebrate Valentime... Trying hard to ask for a date from BOYFRIEND.. Yet BOYFRIEND said that she is not free... Though even we got the time for a date.., she also might busy on the phone about work...
Feeling so heart pain... Because our relationship not like last time anymore... Last time not many people care about our relationship but THIS TIME a lot of people keep wan to know our relationship... Making both of us really stress.. I wonder why people like to know too much of our case... Is it fun to know too much and in the end both of us break then you all will be very happy???
Because of people might know the thing between us, BOYFRIEND gave me lot of rules in the relationship which most of the people really cannot accepted... First, we cannot hold our hand together even when we are outside and in same attire.. Second, we cannot hug or kiss or even more actions that couples do at outside also.. Third, if I wan to meet BOYFRIEND for break or wait for her to finish work, better dun let other people to see me that I am waiting for her.. Forth, Cannot always work with her as other people might suspect us...
Still got a lot.. But jus that I cannot think too much... Because of too many people wan to know our relationship.., BOYFRIEND even tried hard to keep a distance from me... And this is the FIRST time in my life that our relationship can cause a lot of problems in future.. Also my FIRST TIME that so many people wan to know our relationship so much...
Can you all people give us a break..?? Dun step into BOYFRIEND and my space... Can we have our own FREEDOM for our relationship...??
I do miss the time in the past when BOYFRIEND no need to face all the stress from work and have a little time with me... Now seeing BOYFRIEND behaving this way make me so heart pain and really dun wish her to suffer more... I really hope that she can understand my love and care for her..
BOYFRIEND I hope that we can be like last time... Be crazy as what we wan like in the past... Miss all the happiness with you... I will never forget the time when you always come to my house or I always skip school to go to your house to buy you meal... Really hope that time can turn back..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:38 PM
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13th of February.. Still havin cough... And this time coughing really HARD sometime.. After coughing.., I felt a pain in my throat... Really sad that BOYFRIEND did not come and helped me when I coughing while servicing a customer... She jus keep looking at me only... But is ok...
Really tired to talk about what BOYFRIEND bad about... Because someone make me understand to treasure the person that I love a lot... Without the person that you love, you will feel gulity or heart pain forever... Even do anything also cannot really concentrate... Feel so empty..
Did some blog hopping jus now... Read a girl's blog whose BOYFRIEND die not long ago.. Her boyfriend jumped in front of her... And she hugged and shaked her full of blood boyfriend yet no answer... And now she keep putting blame to herself to cause this happen..
Really no one can suspect that what thing will happen next... Felt so super sad to hear a person lost her love one... After reading it, I dropped my tear and my heart turn so pain... Though she is really young and now she need to face the fact and be strong to continue to move on...
After reading blog, I sms-ed a message to BOYFRIEND to let her know that I will treasure her forever and ever because if she had to leave the world forever.., I really cannot think how will I feel.. I might feel that the world had ended.. I felt so empty and dead..
BOYFRIEND from now on, I will try not to quarrel with you often.. I am sorry sometime I being stubborn and not understanding with you... Dun you know I feel so heart pain when you never have eaten a PROPER MEAL... I wish that you can understand my LOVE for you... I love you deeply like no one care...
To that GIRL.::.
Though I dunno you.. But I cry while reading your blog.. It is really hard for you to stand up again and move on with your life now... Be strong and happy.. What will happen next we also cannot really change..
The Girl's blog
http://rine-wudbonceagn.blogspot.com/
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:27 AM
Tuesday, February 10, 2009 ❤
10th of February, tomorrow goin back to work... Jus feel so much boring when I have to go back to work... I really hope that I can find a job that I love the most... Really feel tired to keep looking at those FOODs...
Today wentto meet BOYFRIEND to accompany her to see doctor.. Went out at 10 plus and took bus no.185 to her house downstair... Bought a packet of potato chip, a small packet of chocolate HL milk and a bottle of Green tea as time still early and I am really hungry like hell...
Set alone at aside where no people can really see me... Watched the videos in my Ipod while eating my potato chip... Quite a number of people walked past and keep on looking as me like I am an alien...
Waited till I wan to fall asleep... Brain keep flashing lot of questions making me to think BAD THINGs about BOYFRIEND... I tried not to think too much.. FINALLY, BOYFRIEND came down to meet me at 2 plus, which made me waited for her about 3 hours plus... This still OK because I have waited for BOYFRIEND for 6 hours in the PAST...
Though I am with her but she is still busy on call about work.. Sianz... Really dun have any privacy time with BOYFRIEND always... I jus dunno why lot of people love to relief on BOYFRIEND so much.. If one day without BOYFRIEND's help, I wonder how the people will manage the work well or either the work will like in MESS...
FORGET about the call.. I shall not spolit the day with BOYFRIEND.. Swallow my anger own into my heart... I being THICK skin and tried to hold BOYFRIEND hand... As this suppose always BOYFRIEND did to GIRLFRIEND.. But BOYFRIEND did not really like it... Dunno why... She keep let go... She really scared that I will make dirty her white shirt... Haiz... Anyway, that is her habit...
After the visit of hospital, we went back to her house nearby to have our dinner and lunch, 2 in 1 meal... Chicken rice.. And also ate the desert..
After that, went to her house for a while to help her sister to settle her computer problem... Actually, the problem is very simple... And I really kinda took quite a little long time to understand what the problem is talking about... Explore her computer for a while and finally understand what it mean... FINALLY settled...
Borrowed BOYFRIEND's laptop to go online for a little while... And next went back home alone... BOYFRIEND and her sister accompany me to walk to the bus-stop.. Fall asleep in the bus because I am quite tired as yesterday night did not really sleep well due to my bad COUGHING and nose block...
Hope that today I can sleep well... I miss sleeping well... Haiz... This coughing has not being recover since the forth day of new year till now... BOFRIEND also did not really care for me much... Dunno why... Keep asking me to take MC or see doctor... But the main thing of caring is ask me recover already or wish me to recover soon... She only treat other people good but not me... SAD..
Simply, jus feel that too much of people try to STOP us to being together... And also feel that the distance between us is gettin further and further... I do hope that BOYFRIEND can be like LAST TIME... Dun care about other people and do her things like no one business... I miss the happiness and her attitude in the PAST.. The way she treated me in the past will always being REMEMBERED DEEPLY in my heart always... NEVER BE FORGOTTEN...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:00 PM
Monday, February 09, 2009 ❤
I am back again.. Coughin really had not recover... Since a week or more... Somemore now y throat damn dry and quite pain when I swallow something down my throat... Die... Sore throat soon again... I really hope I can really recover soon... Coughin till I cannot sleep well... Everytime have to wake up a few times...
Tomorrow goin out... No work... Accompany BOYFRIEND to see doctor... Because I say I wan to accompany her... She did not ask me to go... Haiz.. Because I miss her that why I wan to go with her... Hahaz...
Really hope that in future I can have a date with BOYFRIEND... Really a long time do not have a proper date with her... Since a few months ago..
And one more thing to other people who really being so KPO about our relationship., we being together is our own business... We also really dun need other people to help us tell people that we are together... This is no surprises... Have you all seen couple before on street or anywhere?? Is normal if you have feeling with other people you will try to woo her or him right..??
I dun really need people to disturb in our relationship... This is only my and BOYFRIEND's business... NOT YOURs... Unless you are my somebody who is really CLOSET to me or else dun KPO too much... Thank a lot...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:31 PM
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9th of February... Woo~~ Today I am FINALLY 20... No longer 19... Or either lower than that... I am an adult.. Yup can say so... Because 20 does mean a lot to me... Today only 3 persons wished me Happy birthday.. Later hope that more wishes can come...
First person wished me when clock strike 12am is my BOYFRIEND... Those her sms a bit cold but I really happy that she did sent me a birthday wish... After that was a really long time never see or contact Secondary school friend.. Quite of a surprise that he sent me a message.. Anyway thank a lot... I really happy that I still have friends around...
Time getting late... Shall update more later.. Good night everyone... Sweet dream..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:44 AM
Sunday, February 08, 2009 ❤
8th of February... HAPPY 11th month anniversary to BABY and me.. Being together after patching back for 11 months... Really a LONG journey for us to being together.. And really hope that our LOVE journey will never END...
Today is my BIRTHDAY eve.. I wonder tonight midnight who shall be the FIRST person to send me a Birthday wish.. Woo~~ Looking forward... Hee heez... I know tomorrow birthday I spendin the day alone... Because BOYFRIEND busily working.. Sad... My New year wish is gone... Never fulfill... Thought that BOYFRIEND might celebrate the birthday with me...
Forget it... As long as BOYFRIEND is happy with me I will be happy... I am turning 20 less than 24 hours... Gosh... I goin to step into my new life of 20... I so much excited.. I know that I am gettin old each year... Hahazz... I also admitted that I have too much of weakness in my body right now.. Because maybe in last time, I overwork myself... Haiz..
6 more days to Valentime day... I not really goin to see BOYFRIEND quite LONG time... Sad... Valentime also cannot really celebrate with BOYFRIEND.. Haiz... There goes my very FIRST Valentime day...
But anyway, we can be always happy together and no quarrels... And everyday has become our own Valentime day... I love you my dear BABY hubby..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠2:00 AM
Saturday, February 07, 2009 ❤
Haiz... My coughing still not recover... Now my voice a little bit unclear... And flu always come back in the night and make me cannot easily sleep comfortable... Yesterday night really cannot easily fall asleep as thinking about BOYFRIEND...
I jus really dun wan BOYFRIEND cold treated me... I really dun love that way... Somehow BOYFRIEND working scheme not really always with me... Maybe she dun really love to work with me...
If last time when she first fall in love with me, she always try to almost everytime work with me but now she changed.. No longer like to work with me...
I wonder why BOYFRIEND is quite SPECIAL... This is the FIRST BOYFRIEND I have met who dun really like to share her matter with me and also dun really like to do things with me... Other previous BOYFRIENDs always skip their important events jus to spend time with me or jus to see me once they also will be very happy...
I hope that BOYFRIEND can be like the one in the past who always share things with me without hiding from me... I wish to be her most important person..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠9:37 AM
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7th of February... 1 more day to Boyfriend and my 11 month anniversary... And 2 more days to my 20th birthday... Guess on my birthday I goin to stay at home to do some special thing... Because I am goin to learn something NEW which I am really looking forward..
1 more day to Anniversary.. And I hope that we can back in normal again before 8th.. I really sorry to BOYFRIEND that I have made her angry due to my jealous.. Sorry for that misunderstanding... I know that I have say something MEAN to you... I say that because I am hurt by your actions..
But I have to let BOYFRIEND know that I hate sercet that she might be hiding from me.. If BOYFRIEND can tell me, I will not stop her.. I even will not being stubborn to her..
Decided to delete a post that I posted yesterday... I know that post is quite a misunderstanding post.. And also quite MEAN to her... I guess maybe I have been thnking too much... I jus really hope that BOYFRIEND can spend some time on me... Though we dun need to spend money... Like house visiting sometimes like in the past... I dun need BOYFRIEND to spend money for a date like watching movies...
I wan to let BOYFRIEND know that I care a lot about her... I wish that even she got trouble, she can come find me first... I wish that I can be her most important person in her life... I hope that she can understand...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:34 AM
Thursday, February 05, 2009 ❤
5th of February... BOYFRIEND changed totally... Not the one like in the past anymore... I mean really all BUTCHs or Guys are the same... At first, treat girls so good until they gotten your everything, slowly feel tired on you.. And started to scold girlfriend like what... Say the girls stubborn and dun understanding... And Sweet talk is only the first stage to win the girls' heart...
Next stage when really long together.., TRUE colour come out... Say that girlfriends love to nag a lot.. And also start to being cold to girlfriends.. Call to girlfriends become lesser and lesser.. Because TIRED and waste money...
I know not all guys are like that but only 3/4 of the guys in this world is really like this... Wan to find a guy who really truefully love a girl is really hard to find in this world.. Like finding a needle in a sea..
BOYFRIEND complain to me that can I be understanding..?? But did she ever know that I without knowing the reason, can I be understanding...??? Even if you not free.., at else tell me WHY?? I will not scold BOYFRIEND... Why does BOYFRIEND wan to hide from me about the reason in the first place... Jus feel that she had been hiding lot of sercets from me... I really HATE A BOY who hide sercet from me... Couples should not have sercets...
I hope BOYFRIEND can really change back... She had been like this for a few months ago... And I am hangin on too hard to keep our relationship goin... BOYFRIEND I hope you know how much I love you and yet you keep ignore...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:03 PM
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I am crying right now... BOYFRIEND finally reply yet the reply jus like a normal friend reply... I no longer feel the love like in the past from her to me... The LOVE had changed...
In the first place I should not accept the LOVE from her at first although that time got 2 boys woo me... I really dunno why my life changed a lot after break up with my very FIRST stead in secondary school life... Everything seem so unsmooth...
I should not give up my first relationship because the first relationship suppose can be FOREVER but jus because I am still not mature and in the end quarrel and break... I am so comfortable with my first love...
After this relationship, all my life started to turn into BLACK... I have been lonely for about 2 years without accepting other people that wan to woo me... For that 2 years.., I cried almost everyday.. Locked myself in my own room to reflect...
My smile from my face started to disappear... And soon become so cold-blooded like nowaday... Last time, I love to laugh a lot with or without reason... I am also very playful kids cannot stop myself from being naughty...
But now, I no longer can laugh with or without reason... Even I laugh I also not laugh with my true feeling out... I become so quiet like a mouse and dun love to move about.. I start not to care other people feeling...
The reason why I dun care other people feeling is because once in secondary 2, I have been cheated by some boys of my love feeling... I admitted that time I was not that very pretty girl... I started to fall in love with a guy... Yet that guy dun love me... And one day the guy and his friend ganged up to play with my feeling..
SMS-ed me said that he wan to stead with me.. I am so foolish that I said yes... And in the next day in school, they said the words that I said to that boy so loudly in school... Making fun of me... Yet I still continue to play with them... I really dunno why I like that... Now think back.. It does hurt so bad that they play with my feeling.. But I am glad that I did not continue to fall in love with that guy.. And now the guy get his punishment from heaven... Is a SERIOUS PUNISHMENT.. NO JOKING...
Why I do not always like to mix around with other guys?? Because in the past, kids always love to play run and hit... And I remember deeply till now.. That guy suddenly kick me at my stomach... And it hurt a lot.. Other friends saw it and did not care... I ran outside the classroom and cried at a really open area place till I feel better... Pretend nothing happen and went back to class again...
I also scared being betray.. It also happen in Secondary school life... I broke up with someone... That time during quarrel, I asked him a question that do he have a little feeling with a girl..?? He got mad and wan to break with me.. And a few day later, he gang up with the girl and her group, scolding me right in front of the class... The girl and him laughed non-stop at the back of the classroom like watching free show...
I feel so upset and jus pretend nothing happen.. As I dun wish to make the things so big.. FROM that day onward, the guy and me no longer are friends... We are jus like stranger and really dunno each other like that.. Even if I have seem him.., the betray feeling is still in my heart deeply being injuried.. It can never been heal...
I really wonder when can all these things stop.. Till now I jus feel that the same matter happen in the other place.. It hurt so badly right in my heart... I really hope that BOYFRIEND can understand that how much hurt that I have experience in the past and now I have become a STRONG girl yet weak inside my heart... I always dun smile because all these unhappiness experience...
When I dun smile, people keep complain that I giving them attitude.. But this is not the main case.. It is jus that I cannot smile so easily like last time.. I am now a fully scar person... The injuries from the past still not fully recover... And the scar continue and continue... And it went deeper and deeper... I mean I have taken a lot of strength and courages from other friends who are quite close to me to support me to make myself to be more STRONGER...
I really dunno who can understand my feeling... Who can really help me to get out of that unhappiness in my Secondary school... Every moment in my secondary school I still remember quite clearly.. And I wish to forget it but it is very difficult... I hope one day my boy can heal me up with her care and love from her.. This is the ONLY MEDINICE..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠2:50 AM
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5th of February.. Haiz... I wonder what happen... This time I and BOYFRIEND quarrelled again... Is not a small is quite BIG... I jus dunno why BOYFRIEND now changed last week is not like that wan... But YESTERDAY she changed...
I had jus recovered from those sore throat and flu but yet quarrelled with BOYFRIEND and cried with anger.. All my sore throat and flu are BACK... And now flu gone but sore throat not fully recover... Sometimes I eve have enough voice to talk...
I jus dunno why when BOYFRIEND's friend is with us, BOYFRIEND's attitude can change so FAST and keep making me get mad and jealous... Yet BOYFRIEND dun really know that I am jealous and keep asking me that why my face so BLACK...
I AM SO FUCKING JEALOUS... Because BOYFRIEND always treat me as transparent when her friend is with her... When BOYFRIEND talking happily to me, I notice that her friend's face SUPER NOT HAPPY and so BLACK... I have a strong sixth sense that she really trying to break us up... And that time I once MC she super BU SHUANG...
HELLOz EXCUSE ME... I am really unfit to work this is the 2nd time in work I took MC... Not I always take MC... That time MC I even dun have a VOICE to talk... Yet really BU SHUANG me take MC...
Now I keep disturbing BOYFRIEND trying to see that she will reply or not... I guess she really side her friend than me... Haiz... She dun really LOVE her girlfriend that much.. And I should know it earlier... Is this LOVE can be continue..?? I really hope can and now I trying hard to hang on but yet BOYFRIEND does not show any hardwork in this relationship... Feeling like wan to let go and really dun care much about this relationship...
I am NOW SO JEALOUS yet no mood to eat anything at all.. Jus now dinner jus ate half of the pear fruit and that all... I did not eat because of BOYFRIEND... Worry about that she might be tired of loving me...
I really dunno what to do so that she dun keep ignoring me... I know it she always listen to her friend only.. I really feel so useless and outcasted... BOYFRIEND CAN YOU PLEASE REPLY ME..?? I NEED YOU!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠1:17 AM
Wednesday, February 04, 2009 ❤
4th of February...BOYFRIEND hurt my heart so badly ever... This is the FIRST time in my life I ever experience of all my steads... None of my steads scold me right in front of their friends... Because they dun even dare to make me feel cry and they see me cry they will feel heart pain or will come forward try to hug me to cheer me up...
BOYFRIEND will not do that to me... I know it... Because to her, girlfriend really jus not too important to her... Only friends and family... I know that family are important.. But friends are important than girlfriend... In my life and to other people in the world.., they can say that GIRLFRIEND are most important than FRIENDs... Because Girlfriend is goin to be own future partners... Not jus play around...
Even if they are really busy, they try to arrange a little time jus to accompany their girlfriends... If they really cannot make it, they even will try to tell their girlfriends first...
I did my BEST to be understanding to BOYFRIEND but do ever BOYFRIEND also be understanding a bit?? Why do she scold me in front of her friend...?? It make me feel that she jus gang up with her to bully me... And I feel that BOYFRIEND dun help me so much.. How will it she feel if one day I scold her right in front of her friend..?? I had once experience and I dun wish to happen again... It feel so much BETRAY... And it happen once before in my SECONDARY life...
Haiz... Many people keep telling me that I have think too much... But it does... I mean if BOYFRIEND keep dun tell me about her things often, I will feel that BOYFRIEND dun really LOVE me a lot and feel so regret to be with me... And start to suspect she flirting around and dunno which sentence that she speaks to me to trust or not.. I so much confuse... I dun wish that I wan to think too much...
I am always the ONE who being left unknown from her... I am her GIRLFRIEND yet I dunno much things about her... I am not the most important person who can help her when she need help... I am not the one who she relies on everytime... All these things deeply make me feel that I am jus a USELESS girlfriend to her...
I really dunno how to do... I am really feel so stress... Because she dun share her things to me... Even make me always feel hurt... I wonder when she can be more understanding and more gentleman to GIRLFRIEND... Last time she is not like this... I wonder why she CHANGED!!
This entry I jus wan to speak out what I have been feeling this period not saying BOYFRIEND bad things... I am not in anger now yet my feeling is SAD... I wish that BOYFRIEND can say that "I LOVE U" to me again... But I think it is impossible for her to say that to me...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠9:31 PM
Sunday, February 01, 2009 ❤
I am so sleepy after had my medinice... I dunno how am I goin to survive for tomorrow if I have my medinice again... I feel so tired right now... Yet forcing myself to stay awake...
And finally, I got myself a MC... Without asking the doctor for one... The doctor thought that I am still a student and wan give me the MC available for tomorrow...
BOYFRIEND please recover soon... Valentime Day coming.. Better get well soon... Because work sure goin to be really busy... I miss you and love you lot...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠3:21 PM
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BOYFRIEND fall SICK again...
GET WELL SOON...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:05 AM
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1st of February... Today I never go for work because I dun wan to spread the virus to them... Yesterday my coughing is damn serious... But today No more coughing but still having sore throat and quite serious running nose... I dunno can I easily to get a MC...
Thought maybe BOYFRIEND can accompany me to see doctor... But she said she not free because she need to visit other people house to collect red packets... Haiz...
Yesterday supposed wan to come back home to rest but forced myself to work... Yesterday I goin to LOST my voice... I forced myself to work because I dun wan BOYFRIEND to be so tiring.. And I told her I dun need her help... And somemore she still need to go other places to collect red packets... That why I dun wan to disturb her... Wasting her time and not enjoying...
My cough suppose to be recover yesterday... And today my voice a bit gone... Not so clear... Even dun feel like talking a single words from my mouth..
After Chinese New Year, I have not been sleeping well... I keep waking up early... And sometime I keep being disturb by my blocking nose or either some dryness of my throat....
Today BOYFRIEND should be enjoying her visit... And I do miss BOYFRIEND... Haiz... Hpw I wish BOYFRIEND can be more gentleman like other couples in the world can accompany girlfriend to see doctor sometimes... And CARE more about girlfriend when girlfriend is SICK...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠8:11 AM
