Tuesday, June 30, 2009 ❤
30th of June... Second day of being single.. Quite not use to it.. Now I quite missing the life of being relationship... The life I missed the most is the time when I am in Secondary school... I think that was the BEST life that I ever had...
Anyway, I have been feeling jus normal... Lie-ing to myself everyday I dun love that butch.. But in the end, when I am alone or nothing better to do, my heart keep missing her... I really hope that I can really forget about her... Argh...
I really must find way to forget her... Can I really use alcohol to forget her...?? I really dunno... I dun behave how I was in the past... I now really feel so lost... ARGH FUCK OFF!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠3:34 PM
Monday, June 29, 2009 ❤
29th of June... I am back to single again... Break off with that butch... Single life I jus really scared because I have to renew my whole life and need to forget the person I love in the past... And get prepare for the next person to come into my life again...
This time I totally never feel any sad... Maybe this is the right choice for me to break off with her... Anyway, jus feel that none of the butchs can really give their own girlfriends happiness... They even cannot fulfill what their girls need... Totally useless... Why dun they jus be what they are when they are borned??
Anyway, hope that I will have a better life without her by my side... I dun even wish to see her in future even my heart wish to see her...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:48 PM
Tuesday, June 23, 2009 ❤
23th of June... Getting end of july... Boyfriend's birthday is coming really soon... I really hope that I can celebrate boyfriend's birthday... But I dunno whether she is willing or not... She told me once before that during her birthday, she plan to work...
Actually, I have planned where to go during her birthday... I wan to make her happy and forget the stress from the work for a day...
Maybe I shall jus give her time to accept the date... Hope that she can actually take off on her birthday... I really have a number of months never go out with her... Really miss the olden days that we always go out together..
Now in process of planning which school to study for my course, account... Maybe shall take the school which locate at Queenway there... This school is also quite popular... Shall go and try this course...
Shall get to bed now... Goin to start work on this coming Thursday... Looking forward for my last working day which is on the Sunday... YAY~~!!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:07 PM
Monday, June 22, 2009 ❤
22th of June... My mind has been thinking plenty of things till my head goin to in pain soon... I jus wonder why does my boy change a lot a lot.. Have not been meeting quite a number of days... Even that we meet, I jus feel that we are not couple at all... We even cannot being so close together... Even we being close together..., people will start talking bad things about me but not my boy...
I wonder why do people wan to be like this..?? Last time, my boy might come to my blog to take a look when she is free but now no longer will come to my blog... Even the sms about my blog address no longer in her handphone... I wonder why??
I no longer working in the same place with my boy anymore starting from July... Because I have resigned from the job due to my depression... I totally felt so much disappointed that my boy dun even know that I had depression even I have told her in the past... Maybe she had been ignoring my sms about my depression...
I relly feel like giving up this relationship... I dun like my boy to sweet talk around with other females and gainin advantages from other females too... Do she know that this will make me feel so much jealous?? Why can't she understand my shoes..??
I really quite jealous that she really can give out her number to other females so easily without thinking.. Even for me, a few guys also do ask me for numbers but I dun give out so easily because I jus scared that my boy will feel jealous...
Both of us doesn't seem like couple... We also dun really understand each other much... We even hardly see each other.. Even we working in the same place, we even dun have the chance to talk to each other or even work together... She never say that 3 words again to me and no longer hug me or even touch me... Totally feel like not her girlfriend anymore... I dunno what should I do..?? I even can't understand her heart at all...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:43 PM
Tuesday, June 16, 2009 ❤
16th of June... Today is my off day.. I have not feeling really well for past few days because of dizzy in my head... Dunno what really happen to me..
Doctor had been telling me not to continue to work the job because really not suitable for me.. I plan to change job too... Because I jus get more and more tired if I continue to work...
I really dunno what to update as I can't think really easily now... Now my head not so dizzy.. And I look a bit pale when I look into the mirror.. I hope I really can get more pale because I dun really love to live any longer... It is really tiring...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠8:36 PM
Sunday, June 14, 2009 ❤
Today is jus a FUCKING day.. I hate the day the most... And I can say I totally cannot continue to work in this present job any longer... I jus dun wan to get more stress from this job anymore... Haiz...
And really feeling like wan to sick as my head really quite pain yet a bit of dizzy.. Nearly after work, I was busy with my stuff and I kena being scolded loudly by a MALAY auntie staff.. At first, I really dunno what really happen to her... Because I was busy till I cannot stop a little while..
Then she suddenly like scolded me like fuck.. I jus hang on my anger and dun wan to talk anything to her because I really dunno the main reason why she scolded me... So I thought is that I extended a bit because I need to finish settle my stuff before I can go off... Then she not happy I extend a little..
Then I called my boy to know what actually happen.. I did minded a lot as she scolded me till like very bitchy.. I blast into tear... She said that she told this MALAY auntie that I dun really like people to touch me that all... Then I told my boy what actually happen in the outlet and everything that she scolded me...
I even told my boy that I really tired about this job because treat them too good, the staffs might think that you might have reasons for being good... I told the actual story to another staff.. Then the other staff said that because 2 weeks ago, one staff cannot come in early, and I extend and I look not happy...
But how can a person who can be easily happy with he/she is feeling unwell...?? That day I was feeling a bit unwell as I having period... Then this 2 weeks she kept on hit my butt once really hard without any reason and also once kept poking my waist like nobody care... These all actions I totally feel so disrespect... I really kinda dun like people to anyhow hit my butt...
Then today she jus spread bad things to me like nobody business... Still say like I looking for fight..?? Come on.. I have better thing to do than caring whether you wan to fight with me or not... YOU ARE NOT MY ANYONE WHY WILL I BOTHER ABOUT YOU..!!??
Still say I seek for my senior attention..?? COME ON MAN.. I will like to seek my senior attention most possible is it YOUR BUSINESS..?? My senior is my BOYFRIEND YOU JEALOUS HUH?? I even wan to be closer to my boy, you mind a lot huh...???
Anyway, I will like to conclude that this MALAY auntie staff is in XXXL size and have a huge and round butt, love to drink bubble tea, love to talk about SEX topic, love to touch other people breast... She is currently working in Lot 1... Anyone who know where I am working can jus walk past the place I work to see this MALAY staff... She love to create trouble and being so much popular...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠6:05 PM
Saturday, June 13, 2009 ❤
13th of June... Being a number of days did not update.. Because dun feel like update here as I dunno how many blog readers came to my blog for everyday.. That why if I update oftenly yet no people read also useless... So will update less often...
But I update almost every single day at one of my chinese blog because at least almost everyday quite a number of people read my entries and given me a number of comments which I find it is really interesting..
Not long ago, I bought the game SIM 3... But I feel it is useless... Because I have problem in loading this game... And It jus lag my own laptop... I even cannot play it so smoothly.. So give on that game.. But I really wan to play the game so badly... Haiz...
I can describe my whole life is totally tired and stress by emotion.. I no longer that cheerful girl like I have being in the past... I dunno what really happened to cause me this way... Totally very disappointed myself... Even if a friend come to talk to me, this friend will also feel sianz to talk to me because I dun have much thing to talk.. Then this friend might leave me alone and I will feel super disappointed by myself.. Haiz...
Yesterday have a little small cut on my finger by the box.. Blood came out a bit.. Did not tell my boy about this because is useless to tell her this... And another problem is that I almost feel like wan to faint while working due too hot in the shoppin mall as like not enough oxygen for me... Sms-ed this to my boy.. She jus replied coldly "What happen?" and nothing else back again... Totally feel so lonely that I have to take care of myself... I dun have a support from my boy...
I am so different being treated by my boy... If change to other people., she might care a lot but jus dunno why she being treating me this way... Jus feel that totally hurt my heart.. Really dunno it is right or wrong to continue to be with her... As somehow, she also did have some reason that she can't often date me out...
I totally feel so wan to give up my life... Feel so tired and stress.. No one really love me or care for me a lot... I totally disappointed about myself... So useless...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:25 PM
Tuesday, June 09, 2009 ❤
9th of June.. Another day jus past like this... My heart is jus feeling really sad right now... In the afternoon, went to Orchard to buy those magazine that I always buy and rushed to bus-stop behind the Wisma to take Bus 190 to Choa Chu Kang to meet my boy for lunch...
Really waited for about 30 minutes more jus for her to eat together.. However, when we meet, I feel the coldness between the two of us... This warn me that I should not continue to love her.. But I did not really listen to this warn from my brain... I listen to my heart instead...
After all, we started to quarrel a bit.. I cried a bit... Yet she did not care that much.. She kept on said that dun cry or else people will thought that she make me cry... After listening to this, she dunno that this even made me more sad... I jus dunno why she said this to me yet not care about my feeling more.. I wonder why she changed so much... Unlike last time, she sure will care for me... I miss the oldness day..
I jus wish to know why do her BEST friend made noise about the scheme of she dun wan to work with, my boy will change it straight away yet did not really care about how other feel before change it... Do she know that it will cause the bias and unhappiness..??
Can my boy tell me what did she given her so much, so that my boy will listen to her always and never wan to listen to me... Why my boy love to talk to her instead of me...?? I really hope to know the answer... WHY!!??
She even dunno that I often cry for her... If she know it, she also do not really care about it.. It is jus like my business... Haiz... I really dunno what to do... I really feel so much hurt... I am a shit and useless girlfriend to you after all that you will not care at all...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠9:43 PM
Monday, June 08, 2009 ❤
I cut a new hairstyle... I can say that the saloon is totally SUX... If you receive any flyer about a saloon, please dun go that saloon... Some staffs over there jus anyhow cut people hair and anyhow do rebonding... Not nice also dun really care about it... I am one of the victims... FUCK!!
I only can say the previous saloon that I always go is the best... They provide a very good service.. And cut their hair not anyhow... In future, I goin back to my previous saloon... This NEW saloon has totally give me a VERY BAD impression... Somemore can talk BAD things loudly about the customers right in front them...
They should be luckily that the customers that they talked bad is malay or indian... If chinese, they will receive complain... But I keep listening and looking them with a very like unpolite eye sight.. I feel like complaining but totally no use... The manager there also like anyhow too...
What a VERY BAD saloon I gone too... Damn...
The photo on the above is the previous saloon and the bottom is the saloon that I complaining now... The previous saloon cut my hair really nice but the NEW saloon cut my hair like SHIT!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:46 AM
Sunday, June 07, 2009 ❤
7th of June... Tomorrow is me and my boyfriend anniversary day and I dun think my own boyfriend remember it at all.. All she know is WORK and friends.. That all...
I dun seem much important for boyfriend anymore... Because she had been hiding lot of stuffs from me... I really dunno which thing to trust her anymore... Now she keep sharing her stuffs only to her best friend who last time backstab me a lot and also being a huge wall in between us...
Why do I pronoun her as wall?? Because when I am talking to my own boy, she jus start her own conversation with my boy from no where... Then in the end, my boy dun talk or listen to me at all... And what am I?? I jus fucking so extra and a light bulb...
Come on... Can't you please respect me... Who is your girl?? Why you treated me like this..?? Other ex did not really treaten me like this before... She is the FIRST person to treat me this way... She even dunno how will I feel...
She simply jus fucking broke my heart... Ask her why she dun bother when some guys come flirt with me and ask me for number?? Dun she know that when guys ask me for number my heart will feel scared... Somemore the guys ask me for number jus right in front of her... Yet she jus simply continue her own stuffs...
Haiz... Really very tired about this relationship... Wan to faster leave this job and jus see how the relationship goes... If really cannot make it, I shall simply jus give up and give other people chance who really love and care for me a lot and really to protect me without any thinking from them..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠10:45 PM
Wednesday, June 03, 2009 ❤
3th of June... Finally being back to blog... Getting no more interest in doing bloggin.. Jus dunno what to update and life seem happen the same again and again... So fucking boring...
I am no longer like teenagers how all my other friends behaved as one... I am more on old people type already because I easily get tired sometimes... I dun even have time to go out and shopping... I also even dun have a night life even how I wish to have one... Because I do enjoy going out to have a drink in the night for some chit chat session... But I dun have a chance...
Everyday wake up then go work... Or off day jus stay at home and online for the whole day and never go out...
I really kinda of scared of goin to future.. Because I dun dare to have a life at all... And jus waiting for the time to end only... And those money that I have earned from work doesn't seem important to me any longer... Even I dun interested in the latest handphone or anything else... I am such a BORING person..
Anyway, I have been spending my days really quite quiet... Because I dun talk to people using my mouth... And even my boy also dun call me everyday or sms me to talk to me anymore... Because she is tired and need more rest so that why she hack care me... And I dun really wish to bother about how much she care for me any longer... Because the more I care the deeper hurt I will get...
Therefore, I jus wish to have a happy life everyday by living in my own world... And really dun wan to know what is happening around me... Because I hate to know it too... I already get so much of hurt and unhappiness in the past when I over care about the surrounding too much... Hope my time is ending really soon... Because I do find that I sometime do have difficult time in breathing.... Jus dunno why but being look for the doctor in the past, yet result is nothing wrong jus that muscle pain...
Tomorrow is aniother boring day of working.... Really hope that I can faster resign from this present job and get a new job to start a new life...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:16 PM
