Saturday, May 30, 2009 ❤
Seriously, what really wrong with me..?? Why I have been crying alone almost everyday and locked myself iin the room..?? The worst thing is nobody know that I feeling sad... Hurt me a lot.. Am I a transparent person in this world..?? Can anyone SEE me..?? How I wish people can see my exist.. But I can't..
When I told my boy why I feeling this way yet I got either a COLD reply or NO reply from her... I need my boy to care and give me some sweet talk to me... I wan a LOVE... But my boy will never say the 3 words to make me happy...
Really being how many months before that we hug together, we kiss, we go for a proper date or even spend time together... July is coming soon and is gonna to be 1 whole entire year... Is this what usually normal couples did?? I do miss all the things that what couples usually do during relationship..
Somehow.., I felt tired... Even if I and my boy together, why do people still like wan to make trouble and let me or my boy to accept that we are in relationship..?? Why when people wan to be jealous that if me and my boy get too close..?? Why people keep wan to breaking us up..?? Why we can't behave like normal couple and have to hide from everyone in the world that we are in love??
Why I cannot really have a chance to talk to my boy..?? Why must everytime there sure got someone cut into me and my boy conservation...??
Seriously, I dun understand what those people are thinking... Why they wan to do this to me..?? WHY WHY WHY!!?? Is it like that will make them feel better..?? Why I cannot have a LOVING and SIMPLE LOVE like other people have..?? Can anyone give me an answer...??
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠9:58 PM
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30th of May... Haiz... Life is getting more and more uninteresting to me anymore... Really feeling very tired each day... Not looking forward for the next day to come... Really hope that one day I open my eyes the world is ended... Every tiredness and stresses are OVER.. Life has ended without pain.. Maybe is impossible..
Everyday did felt the same... I miss my boy again... Sometime jus dunno why I really cannot being easily control my jealous when my boy created... I really have a hard time not to being jealous but is really HARD...
I know that is my boy freedom and I should not over controlled her everything... Jus dunno why I always scared to lose her and her love... Haiz.. It is so stupid to hear that and it is the FIRST time to love someone that I love so hard...
This few days have been doing blog hopping reading people blogs that I know their friends and they dunno me at all... Really had a lot of feelings toward their entries after reading them.. Love does make people to break people friendship easily.. Love is also a selfish thing.. Love is something that may not easily being last-long if there is no trust and believe in each other... Love really uneasily to understand..
Jus hope that everything can go smooth and easy... Dun have so much stress and trouble to being bother... That is the BEST life of all... But I am not the lucky person to have this life at all..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠2:06 AM
Monday, May 25, 2009 ❤
25th of May... Seriously really dunno what happen to me... I have too much of mental problems happen to me... I have problem in talking and also keep thinking about bad thoughts... I really wan back my old life... Argh..
Looking forward for June onward... I will be taking a lot of leave soon... Too much of leave need to be clear or else will expire...
Anyway, really quite looking forward to my boy birthday in the July... Last year brought her to Sentosa to tour and play till we spent about 200 plus altogether... Really enjoyed ourself so much and Baby stayed over at my place...
Maybe this year might bringing her to Zoo, Bird Park or Escape... Should let her choose... I planning to make a present to her too... Now still planning...
This period still thinking what job to work... Planning to resign once I found my new job... Feeling so much mental problems when I working my present job... Making me feeling so lazy to do anything at work... Sianz...
Shall update again when I feel like it...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠8:14 PM
Saturday, May 16, 2009 ❤
16th of May... Yesterday have been working the whole entire of day... From morning 8 plus to night 10 plus... And Totally quite tired... This is my first time I sweat till like hell.. OMG.. I so smelly till I cannot take it...
Great time.. 1st night without parents at home.. Only me and my younger brother... Suppose date BOYFRIEND a month ago to ask her to come my house to sleep for one night but in the end did not really come true... Feeling quite sad... I feeling so lonely to sleep in my own room...
But last time I felt super so comfortable because BOYFRIEND quite often come to my house to sleep in the past... I can always hug her... But now no more... I miss her sleeping by my side... Dunno when will she be sleeping at my side again in future...
Anyway., BOYFRIEND had been feeling not well yesterday... Hope that she can really get well soon by today later when I see her at work... BABY please get well soon... I wan a healthy BABY not weak BABY... I LOVE HER lot... My CUTEST BABY ALWAYS... Hahaz..
Today shall be another day of working... WORK WORK WORK everyday... Hope I can save to the target that I wish to have... Hahaz.. JIA YOU..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:51 AM
Thursday, May 14, 2009 ❤
14th of May... I really dunno what the hell I wan... I am so confuse... My pure character has gone... Now I am more into evil person... I dun like myself now... I really dunno what to do is right anymore... I hate myself so so much..
In LOVE, why am I the one who is thinking too much too much but in the end I found myself wrong... Sometime I jus dun understand that why she love to make me jealous all the time..
I had rejected 2 person request because I deeply in love with my present boy... I dunno is it a right things... Sometime I jus feel that why dun I give up on that butch and to make myself happy and being loved by accepting other people love..
My boy dun understand me that I LOVE HER SO MUCH till I wan to stick at her side forever and ever...
This few days my health is really very bad.. I have been very tired.. I dun have a life at all... My left knee started to in pain when I work for too long... I can get easily tired... I can easily can anger with the surrounded things... I need to change... I no longer that pure like in the past.. I feel more I am evil person who I dun love to be...
I really dunno what to do??
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠5:10 PM
Monday, May 11, 2009 ❤
11th of May... Being so so long never update my blog... Today I suppose to work but in the end MC... Not because fever, it is my left knee in pain.. I cannot stand for too long.. I do need somemore rest to get recover..
BOYFRIEND today replaced me.. No choice because no one is willing to help me to work... I kinda of getting more tired about this job... Jus because of my boy that why I never quit my job...
Now feeling wan to sleep.. But I force myself to stay awake due the the medinice that the doctor given to me... The medinice can make people fall asleep.. DAMN.. I hate it... I dun sleep in the afternoon because at night I will not able to get to sleep...
Sad.. Boyfriend did not care much about my injury... Though she know that this injury yesterday.. Pain till cried in the MRT or while walking on the road... I even can't walk properly.. BOYFRIEND did not help me at all... Felt a bit hurt.. Haiz...
Watched that SKY OF LOVE jus now since I bought the DVD for about 1 year till now... Really a touching LOVE story... Jus found out that those main actors and actresses are really YOUNG... Some of them even jus 2 to 1 years younger than me... And their looks seem so like 20 plus year old... Can't believe it...
Anyway nothing much to update... Shall update again once I am free again..
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠5:23 PM
Saturday, May 02, 2009 ❤
2nd of May... Being busy with my job or either stay at home to rest whenever I am off or I finish my work early... Life is getting so much meaningless everyday...
I really quite happy today... Because BOYFRIEND called me to talk jus for about 5 minutes.. That 5 minutes is really important to me... As I can hear her voice... I miss her so so much... Yet she dunno that... Haiz..
Anyway, have planned what to write a diary for every single day for her... And will make it into a book and be given to her every anniversary.... That is goin to be included every feeling that I had for her for every single day...
I find that I have no much time to go out and shopping or to have fun with the entertain... Haiz... So kinda of boring life... I miss my Secondary school life... Because after school, I can go out with my friends and hang out.. But now, I no longer can do it so easily..
As can see my BOY, I plan to go for work everyday... Because my BOY think that work is the most important than anything else... So work as hard as I can.. In future, I can spent the money and no need to work so hard... Ha..
Anyway, I MISS MY BOY SO SO MUCH...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠9:11 PM
