Wednesday, November 26, 2008 ❤
26th of November... I am back again... Back in my own room... Four walls and bed in the centre.. Without anyone disturbing me... I am feeling so much lonely... I wonder is there anyone willing to come forward to accompany me to talk..?? Everyday in the middle of the night, I keep worrying everyday that can I be happy again..?? Why be happy can be a huge problem to me..?? Why I cannot smile easily like other people..??
I am crying right now.. Yet nobody know at all.. Locking myself up in my room... Listening all those sad sad music... Thinking all the bad and unhappiness memories... I miss myself in the past...
Yesterday night (25th of November), quarrelled with BOYFRIEND... I hate to quarrel but in the end, really cannot control... I thought that she can smell my jealousy... But in the end, I am in the wrong... Almost the whole day never talk to me... I prevent myself from getting mad by keep myself busy all the time...
Till that staff went off.. BOYFRIEND can find nobody to talk with then find me to talk... Am I jus a replacement to BOYFRIEND?? I jus find that she might using the same style of treatment that she treated to her ex... I am really scared of that style... I even HATE that style... If one day she does really use it to me, I am no longer that kind to her anymore... I think I might jus leave the place and auto GIVE UP to make myself better...
I miss BOYFRIEND saying sweet stuffs to me like in the past.. MISSED so so so much... Now I really dunno what can make her say that to me again... I really tired to think about it anymore... Why must I force her to say then she will say to me..??
I am really hurt so badly and cannot be easily happy anymore... I really dunno what to do that BOYFRIEND will LOVE me more... I really feel so UNLOVE... BOYFRIEND when will you show me more love..?? When will you tell me that you love me without me will not be happy??
I am still waiting for the day that you will say that YOU LOVE ME THE MOST~~
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠12:17 AM
