Saturday, September 19, 2009 ❤
19th of September... Back to blog.. Today totally a upside down day... Hope in future will not have anymore... I totally hate this day... I even hate to behave this way too for today and in future I dun wish to behave like this anymore...
Today went out with Baby as usual movie date... Nothing special but really look foward for it because it is the only once a week that I can spend the whole day with Baby... Dressed the style that I dun dress usually... And outside rain damn heavily.. So I also did not care much about rain and just put on the jacket to cover my body from rain...
Met Baby at Jurong East station and trained to Somerset... On the way, I already felt the difference from Baby... I felt a little weird and did not ask further from Baby... I just hope Baby will tell me automatic... Because I dun really love people, who are close to me, to hide things from me.. I am the person who also willing to be their listening ears...
Bought the movie ticket, Pheobia 2... And off to Taka for lunch.. Suppose plan to eat Pizza Hut but in the end, ate the Japanese Fast Food... Haiz... I craving for Pizza Hut so badly... What a wasted that there is NO Pizza Hut in the Somerset and Orchard area...
Walked to Far East Plaza and other shopping mall to window shopping.. I cannot waste money too because I am still jobless... Damn sianz...
At about 3 plus, walked back to Cine for the movie... After the movie, I felt the sudden of anger in my body... I just can't control myself and talked in very nice tone to Baby... Because Baby behaving different which I dun feel right at all...
Went down to Level 1 and stopped at the area where there is not much people passing by... I know I might not that polite but I try hard to be talk in nice tone... Because I cannot take it anymore... I questioned Baby quite fierce like the policeman... I knew that Baby might not love to see me behaving this way...But this is the only choice that I might wan to know the truth what really happen...
Baby and I decided to go home... At first, I wan to send Baby to Woodland but in the end, Baby sent me home... In the journey back to Jurong East., I kept on asked Baby what really happen.. And he said it concern to me... I was really worry and curious too... Because I know I am the person who always cause trouble without fail...
I even worry Baby might stop loving me too... I also know that I am a very over sensitive person... And I really dun wish to be one, therefore, I kept on changing this attitude...
I cried in train because I felt so much disappointed about myself and also being a useless girlfriend that I really cannot make Baby happy from his sad and depress... I even feel like KILLING myself at the spot... I deserve to be death... I not worth for the living... I blame myself everything... I such a failure and never being success before in my life... NEVER!!
Anyway, thank for Baby a little of concern... I even being a little harsh that I push Baby away from me... Because I hate him hiding problems from me... I HATE IT!! In the lift of my house., I can feel the saddness from Baby... Sorry Baby I dunno what to do... But I feel that Baby is going to cry in anytime... Because the tone that he speak really quite unstable... That time I really feel like giving a hug to him... But I did not... I so damn useless.. DAMN!!
I HATE MYSELF SO SO MUCH!! But I also did tried to explain to Baby through SMS... I might try not to SMS Baby too much for this period because I wan Baby to rest more without me... If Baby need me, PLEASE SMS ME.. Because I am always waiting for you... I will always beside you when you feeling down too...
I am really sorry about today that I let you see the different side of me... I super damn rude.. My anger is gonna toward the limit... And this side will not easily appear in my life before unless is something that I really concern a lot...
BABY I LOVE YOU~!!
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:43 PM
