Monday, March 07, 2011 ❤
7th of March... Actually there is nothing much to update either... Just kinda of feeling tired in life... I dunno why... Have been complaining ton of things regarding at work... Haiz... I seem so an alien to all people... Or maybe I am really not a kinda of easy going person and make people keep misunderstand me...
Sometimes I feel weird is that I have been talking to myself in my brain and that is always happen... Even if I not happy, I tried to scold it in my brain and that really make me cool down a little...
Sometimes, I did felt that after all the incidents happened in the past, I really feel stone out of the sudden so easily... And also I did felt that I am kinda of suffering depression... Been thinking of killing myself in the past... But the thinking of being useless, is still with me... Whenever people kinda of ignoring me., I do feel this feeling on me.. And I started blaming myself why I am always causing this..
I know I trying hard not to think of bad stuffs and anything... I chose not to open my heart and talked to anyone as I seem not all can be trusted... Is hard for me to walk out this prison again once it did happened on me in the past... I am easily bully, betray, backstabbed, whatever thing all happen on me... People maybe think is fun to make fun of me, but in my heart it felt so pain yet I facing them with a smile...
What else I experience... I will never being forget being slap by a guy, being kicked by a guy, kena trick by other guys that they pretend to be a guy that I admire in Secondary school, a betray from my ex that I trust him for so much, seriously I guess there is too much to talk at here... Maybe I am fate to have a sad life till the time I die... I hate for experience this... I have try not to think about all this unhappiness past but I dunno why out of the sudden they just pop out one by one like it just happen yesterday only...
Is this counted as depression?? Or other matter?? I really hope I can find an answer what is going on with me... I hate to feel the saddness in myself... They are hurting me...
☠❤Dead Jas❤☠11:00 PM
